Life Sketch of Darren Warren
Written and presented by his sister, Trisha Gronenthal
One time while in high school, my new sister-in-law, Vicky, made the comment that she hardly ever heard Darren say more than a couple of words at a time. I looked at her quizzically and said, “Really? ‘Cause I can hardly get him to shut up.” Seriously, sometimes we'd be talking on the couch, and I would get up to use the bathroom. He would follow me down the hall and wouldn’t stop talking until I shut the door in his face. Being only two years older than me, and our other brothers, JC and Curtis, being four and five years older than him, Darren and I were really close growing up, and we formed the kind of bond that I think it's safe to say he reserved for a select few. A bond of trust where he felt comfortable enough to share his thoughts, feelings, and dreams with me. It's because of this bond that I felt it fitting for me to give his life sketch, and I have a lot of nice things to say about my Big big brother.
Darren was born in the fall of 1985, the same year Nintendo was released in the USA. He came relatively quickly and easily (the doctor almost missed the delivery), but that wasn’t necessarily an omen of things to come. He had complications with his right eye, a condition called Posterior Vitreous Detachment, or PVD. He had tissue behind his eye that didn’t go away as he grew as it should have which caused scar tissue to form which limited his eye's development. As a result, he had poor vision through his right eye for all of his life and had no depth perception. The doctor said he would eventually lose all sight out of it. He received a priesthood blessing and did retain some peripheral vision out of his eye, which was a great blessing to him compared to being completely blind in it as the doctor had predicted.
So from the beginning, Darren was a little bit different. I always thought of him as the black sheep of the family which wasn’t a bad thing—he just was unique. My two oldest brothers and I had a lot of common interests with my parents including outdoorsy things such as sports, camping, four-wheeling, and snowmobiling. Darren much preferred his video games. And he was good at them. I remember when we were about four and six years old, I was always so frustrated trying to play Super Mario Brothers with him on our NES. He was always Mario and I was always Luigi, which meant he always got to go first. I had to wait until he died before I could take my turn. And he was so good that I had to wait for what seemed like hours for him to finally get killed by King Koopa on probably the fifth level or something. I would be so excited to finally get to play, and I would move forward for two seconds, go to jump over the very first goomba…and get killed. Every single time. So then it was his turn again and I'd have to start the wait all over again. And the one or two times he showed me mercy and let me be Mario. Didn’t make any difference. That first goomba still got me and I still had to wait forever to play. This is all the more impressive when you realize that Darren played with the remote control upside-down. It was just a rectangle so I can see why he would get it mixed up, except that left was right was left, up was down and down was up. Like I said, he liked to do things differently.
But we had lots of fun playing other games, too, ones that didn’t require me to wait around watching him have a good time. We played Spiderman, web-slinging from couch to couch; The Floor is Lava, which was pretty much the same thing minus the webs; we built blanket forts, played Monopoly, sailed our playhouse through vicious storms and rough seas, and slayed dragons that lived in the dark cave down the hall near my parents' bedroom. He was a really fun playmate to have while growing up.
That isn’t to say we got along splendidly all the time; quite the contrary, I think all of my family’s worst fights were with him. He banged my head with a door and I kicked him where the sun don't shine. The only stitches he received was from JC throwing a spade at the back of his head (for which he received the belt from Dad). He tried sharing a room with Curtis, but that didn’t seem to last very long before Mom couldn’t take all the bickering and moved Curtis in with JC. He really butt heads with the rest of us from time to time (or he just really wanted his own room and knew that was one way to get it. )
Of course, we had a lot of fun as a family, too. Our parents were wonderful about taking us on trips every summer, and thanks to them, Darren got to see a lot of places like Silver City, Idaho, Stanley Lake, the St. Anthony Sand Dunes, Island Park, Disneyland, Yellowstone National Park, Seattle, and even Anchorage after our nephew, Cyrus, was born. Even though camping, snowmobiling, and four-wheeling wasn’t really his thing, it was still fun to explore these new places together and make treasured memories.
One of my most treasured memories was when we went to the temple in Manti, Utah to be sealed together as a family forever. My parents chose Manti because of the pageant which we had attended the summer before. It was there that my dad's faith was rekindled and he decided to set his life straight with the Lord's will. It was there that I held Darren’s hand across the alter and was sealed as his sister for even after this life has ended. As a side note, it was also there that I later held my husband's hand as I was sealed as his wife for all eternity. It has become a most precious place in my heart.
It has also become a special place to Darren’s good friend, Michael Anderson. A few years after our sealing, we returned to Manti to attend the pageant again, and Michael joined us. When asked to recount a few memories of Darren, this was one of the first to come to mind. He and Darren played on the Nintendo DS on the drive down while I had my nose stuck in the fifth volume of Harry Potter. Those two shared a tent, we all performed baptisms for the dead, and, of course, we were spiritually edified during the show. Michael said he felt like family during that week, and still does. He feels like he has lost a brother.
Incidentally, Darren and Michael's friendship began over video games. During a Deacon’s Quorum overnighter when they were 12 or 13, everybody was headed outside to play when Michael noticed that Darren was sitting in front of the TV by himself. They bonded while playing Super Smash Bros and became nearly inseparable after that. Darren would often drive our four-wheeler down the canal road and over to Mike's house to play video games, go paintballing, or help him build his treehouse (which was a really awesome treehouse, by the way).
Video and computer games were very much a social lifeline for Darren. I felt like I hardly ever got to play our N64 or Nintendo GameCube because whenever he left the house, they went with him to share with his friends. When he was in high school, he often held Lan parties, which I'm not totally sure about this, but I'm pretty sure they connected their computers together so they could play games together (this was before Wi-fi and all of the online games we have now, remember). Sometimes I'd come home to find our full-size ping pong table covered with 5 or 6 computers surrounded by 5 or 6 teenage boys deeply engrossed in whatever it is they were doing. I may not have understood it, but Darren loved it.
Darren also bonded with his friends over card games he had made himself. This was his passion. He put a lot of time, effort, and love into his games. He created characters, rules, did all of his own artwork, first by hand, then as he became more computer-savvy, digitally generated and printed them on heavy cardstock. Another close and dear friend, Ernie Juarez, said Darren would bring these on school and church trips to play and try out. They were really creative and a lot of fun. More than anything, he wanted to be a gamemaker and have them out on the market. That was his dream. That's what he wanted to do with his life. I can't tell you how sad I am that he never got to accomplish that.
Speaking of church trips, my good friend, Joey Anderson, reminded me of their scout camp trip to Bartlett when some of the leaders (Jeff Harris) thought it would be funny to attack the tent Darren and Joey were sharing with a stuffed bear head. The grunting and shuffling around woke up Darren. He grabbed the flashlight and pointed it at the tent door to see a bear staring right at him. He woke up Joey, asked him what they should do to which he replied, “Turn off the light and hide!” I believe David Gochnour was sleeping through this whole thing until the bear's mouth clamped down on his leg. He then woke up and began kicking it which is probably the worst thing he could’ve done had it been a real bear. But Jeff ended up getting kicked in the head as well and the poor bear lost an eye. I'm just glad it was a prank or else they all probably would’ve been killed then.
Darren sure had some really awesome friends. While he struggled to find his footing as a young adult, many of them allowed him to stay with them for a time. He grew really close to their families, and I recently learned that actually more than thirteen kids consider him an uncle. When one sweet girl told of their friend's death, she replied, “Oh, I thought he was my uncle.” I believe it was Curtis who first called Darren Uncle Wookie back when Cyrus was born, and I'm really glad it stuck. Not only because he loved Star Wars or was big and hairy, but because he was brave, looked out for those he loved, and was a fiercely loyal friend. All of his nieces and nephews including his “adopted” ones can attest to that.
One year while he was staying with Michael and Christa Anderson, Darren came to my folks' to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with the family. It was just two weeks after Brian and I were married, and we had a wicked snowstorm that night. Darren had forgotten his gift for our family gift exchange, and rather than make someone wait till later to get their gift, he drove home in the snow to get it and got stuck in a huge drift on the way back. My dad, brothers, and new husband went out to rescue him. They came back soaking wet and freezing with their pants stiff as a board but safe and sound. What a way to say, “Welcome to the family, Brian!” But that was actually kind of a neat bonding experience for them all, and something Brian still talks about on occasion.
Darren was kind and considerate, and had a great sense of humor and an infectious laugh. And he had a big heart. He loved helping other people. As he grew older and computers became more and more common, he quickly became our guru. If we ever had a problem with something, we would call him up and he would either talk us through it or come right over and fix it for us. Sometimes he spent hours getting it just right, but he always refused payment for it. He didn’t think it was right to take payment for something he simply enjoyed doing. One time, Brian and I found ourselves in a bit of a pickle with finances, and we turned to Darren for help. Before we had even finished asking, he had his checkbook out and asked how much we needed. Didn’t even hesitate. While he's been living at home this last year, even though he would spend countless hours holed up in his room with his computers, every time Mom asked him for help with something, he would immediately drop what he was doing and go help her. That's just the kind of guy he was.
You could also say that Darren was a hard-core trekky. He loved sci-fi, fantasy, and Japanese anime and even attended ComicCon on at least one occasion that I know of. When the Lord of the Rings first came to theaters and he saw it for the first time, he came home just raving about it. Thought it was the best thing ever. So we went together as a family and my mom didn’t have quite the same reaction. It was too dark and evil for her. So like any good mother looking out for her kids, she forbid us to watch it anymore.
So when the second movie came to the Century Cinemas, what did this sweet little angel of a teenage daughter do? Lied to my mom (don't worry, Mom, I didn’t lie to you often). I told her that my friends and I were going to go see Kangaroo Jack and that I invited Darren to go with us. She thought that I was such a sweet sister to invite my big brother to tag along with my friends. Little did she know that we were going behind her back to watch The Lord of the Rings. She was a little confused later when Kangaroo Jack came out in the Burley Theater and I told her I wanted to see it again (“Was it really that good to watch it twice?” “Oh sure, Mom, I thought it was really funny.” …No, no it wasn’t. ) But we liked what we liked and we liked Lord of the Rings. So see it we did.
Like I mentioned before, Darren struggled for a few years after high school to find his place in the adult world, but we all felt like he had found it once he settled in Idaho Falls. He was holding down a job which he took pride in and did well with, he bought a condo, and he had some really neat friends. We didn’t see him at home much because his poor eyesight made it difficult for him to drive, but he reveled in his independence and I think was really proud of his accomplishments and the life he was making for himself.
One of his good friends in I.F. is named Susan. She is really into hiking and has even run half-marathons. She often encouraged Darren to get out and moving and they enjoyed taking walks on the greenbelt together. Just last month, Darren told me that he had recounted to Susan the worst hike of his life up on Skyline Trail from Lake Cleveland to Independence Lakes. He told her how steep, narrow, and rocky the trail was. How he felt like he couldn’t go on but he couldn’t turn back because their camp was already packed up and moved. How if it weren’t for Randy Harris and his friends rallying around him, he couldn’t have found the strength to make it to the end. As he finished his story, she responded, “I think I need to go try that trail.” He just looked at her incredulously and said, “Have you not heard a word I've said?”
Even though he enjoyed living in Idaho Falls, sadly, his mental and physical health began to get the best of him. He began having large and frequent panic attacks and his blood pressure was through the roof. He lost his job and struggled to keep or even find another one. I think it was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do, but he finally had to admit that he couldn’t do it anymore and that he needed help. He called my mom who said, “Come home and let's get you better.”
Even though the last thing he ever wanted to do was sell his condo and move back in with my parents, I'm so thankful that he did. Because my big brother, who was largely absent from our lives for the previous seven years (my children’s whole lives), was finally back. He was there for birthdays and holidays. We stayed up late playing Catan on New Year's Eve and watched The Last Jedi on Netflix (even though I fell asleep, it's the thought that counts, right?) Our kids got to really know their Uncle Wookie and made memories playing chess, Minecraft, and having piggyback rides. Those are the only memories they'll have, and I hope they’ll cherish them and look back on him with fondness.
Then one day, he stood up from his couch, and his heart just couldn’t take it anymore. I don't think he even knew what hit him. There’s only one word for it—tragic. It's tragic that he was taken from us so soon simply because he chose to not take care of himself the way he should have. I think that's the hardest thing for me—all the potential he had to be a doting husband and loving dad, publish his games, and live life to the fullest is gone because of his choices. It makes me sad and a little mad, but I am so thankful for the knowledge of a loving Savior who suffered all things so that he can have complete empathy for our unique situations. You see, Darren renounced his membership in the LDS church a few years ago. I'm not sure why, but I know that the Savior knows exactly what Darren was thinking, feeling, and going through, and I know that He loves my brother with a perfect love and that, even now, He will do all that He can to help Darren return to Him so that we can all be together again.
This week, I've had a lot of opportunities to visit with some of Darren’s friends and reminisce on his life. His friend, Ernie shared this sentiment with me, that they always said that they would like to get together someday, sit in a porch with a 6-pack of rootbeer and catch up. Even though he can’t join us now, if anyone would like to do that, I'm game. It would be great to reminisce on his life and remember the good times and honor his memory.
I’m really going to miss my Big big brother, (and I call him my Big big brother because he was bigger than my oldest brothers and they called him their big little brother. So to me, he's my Big big brother). But I’m thankful for the Savior and His plan for us to be together as families forever, and I know I'll see Darren again. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
Sunday, August 26, 2018
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Getting a Little Political
You know, I don't consider myself much of a political person--I've never watched a political debate, I don't follow presidential races or individual candidates religiously, and I've voted outside of a presidential election only once. But, as an American who studied basic Political Science in college and who minored in History, I do understand the importance of casting informed votes, so I try to pay attention to the news and vote for who I feel would make the best leader for our country based on their principles, morals, and platforms.
The trouble is, I just don't know who I can really trust.
Maybe I've read too much John Grisham, but part of me just feels like it's all a game, a set-up, that the person with the most money will win despite what the American people want (can you say "recount"?). And those who don't have the big bucks will say or do anything to win votes. How do I know if these people are sincere? How do I know what's in their hearts? How am I supposed to choose between a bunch of marionettes up on stage saying what they think the majority of American people want to hear just so they can mark "Become the president of the United States" off of their bucket lists? Except for Trump who seems to say whatever comes to his mind giving further proof that he's as big of a sleezeball as we all thought he was. But besides him, who knows what anybody's really thinking?
Times are so scary. There's a terrorist in the White House determined to destroy this country, ISIS cowards are attacking us on our own soil and our government is doing nothing about it, liberalism seems to be outweighing the scale of our society, mothers are killing their unborn children just because it's too inconvenient to be blessed with a miracle right now, and on and on and on. Simply put, it's crazy.
I was reading in the Book of Jarom today, and this passage stood out to me: "And it came to pass that [the Lamanites] came many times against us, the Nephites, to battle. But our kings and our leaders were mighty men in the faith of the Lord; and they taught the people the ways of the Lord; wherefore, we withstood the Lamanites and swept them away out of our hands, and began to fortify our cities, or whatsoever place of our inheritance" (1:7).
What a magnificent prospect! Political leaders who not only hold high values themselves but who actually teach them to their constituents! And it's because of these teachings that they are able to push the enemy out of their lands, build up the protection of their cities, and allow their people to prosper.
These are the kind of leaders we need today. If we are to overcome our enemies, stick together, and make this country as great as we know it should be, then we must have leaders who not only have the Lord in their lives, but who will be willing to teach His Word to the nation despite the chance that they might offend someone. Christ didn't seem to let that possibility hold him back from rebuking the Pharisees or Sadduccees or any other group of people who had fallen off the right path and needed to be corrected. We as Christians covenant to spread His Word in spite of all obstacles. Political leaders should not be the exception in that but the examplars.
Our world used to have great leaders who spread the Lord's truth without hesitation. Leaders like Roosevelt and Churchill. I bet our time isn't so different from the WWII era. The world was full of war-torn countries with refugees fleeing for their lives and in 1941, we had just experienced an attack in our own country. People were confused and scared and didn't know what to think or how to feel or what to do. But these two men stood up to the challenge and brought hope, courage, and inspiration to their people. Unlike our leader who spouts out ridiculouness things like being afraid, aiding the enemy, and disarming us to make us more vulnerable. Roosevelt and Churchill made two beautiful speeches on Christmas Eve and you can read them here and here. I'd highly encourage you to do so. These speeches are what our country needs to hear this Christmas Eve.
I wish we had a leader who felt the same way as these two men. I hope and pray that next year we will find a man who does to be our next president...if our country is still around by them.
The trouble is, I just don't know who I can really trust.
Maybe I've read too much John Grisham, but part of me just feels like it's all a game, a set-up, that the person with the most money will win despite what the American people want (can you say "recount"?). And those who don't have the big bucks will say or do anything to win votes. How do I know if these people are sincere? How do I know what's in their hearts? How am I supposed to choose between a bunch of marionettes up on stage saying what they think the majority of American people want to hear just so they can mark "Become the president of the United States" off of their bucket lists? Except for Trump who seems to say whatever comes to his mind giving further proof that he's as big of a sleezeball as we all thought he was. But besides him, who knows what anybody's really thinking?
Times are so scary. There's a terrorist in the White House determined to destroy this country, ISIS cowards are attacking us on our own soil and our government is doing nothing about it, liberalism seems to be outweighing the scale of our society, mothers are killing their unborn children just because it's too inconvenient to be blessed with a miracle right now, and on and on and on. Simply put, it's crazy.
I was reading in the Book of Jarom today, and this passage stood out to me: "And it came to pass that [the Lamanites] came many times against us, the Nephites, to battle. But our kings and our leaders were mighty men in the faith of the Lord; and they taught the people the ways of the Lord; wherefore, we withstood the Lamanites and swept them away out of our hands, and began to fortify our cities, or whatsoever place of our inheritance" (1:7).
What a magnificent prospect! Political leaders who not only hold high values themselves but who actually teach them to their constituents! And it's because of these teachings that they are able to push the enemy out of their lands, build up the protection of their cities, and allow their people to prosper.
These are the kind of leaders we need today. If we are to overcome our enemies, stick together, and make this country as great as we know it should be, then we must have leaders who not only have the Lord in their lives, but who will be willing to teach His Word to the nation despite the chance that they might offend someone. Christ didn't seem to let that possibility hold him back from rebuking the Pharisees or Sadduccees or any other group of people who had fallen off the right path and needed to be corrected. We as Christians covenant to spread His Word in spite of all obstacles. Political leaders should not be the exception in that but the examplars.
Our world used to have great leaders who spread the Lord's truth without hesitation. Leaders like Roosevelt and Churchill. I bet our time isn't so different from the WWII era. The world was full of war-torn countries with refugees fleeing for their lives and in 1941, we had just experienced an attack in our own country. People were confused and scared and didn't know what to think or how to feel or what to do. But these two men stood up to the challenge and brought hope, courage, and inspiration to their people. Unlike our leader who spouts out ridiculouness things like being afraid, aiding the enemy, and disarming us to make us more vulnerable. Roosevelt and Churchill made two beautiful speeches on Christmas Eve and you can read them here and here. I'd highly encourage you to do so. These speeches are what our country needs to hear this Christmas Eve.
I wish we had a leader who felt the same way as these two men. I hope and pray that next year we will find a man who does to be our next president...if our country is still around by them.
Saturday, November 28, 2015
Grayson at 10 Months
- He is officially cruising--pulling himself up to a standing position against furniture and walking along it--and has been for about a month-month and a half. Even though he hasn't tried walking or standing on his own, he loves walking along with his daddy and big sister while they hold onto his hands.
- He also loves exploring and being free! That said, he now hates his bouncer and play pen. But with a big dog and two very messy older siblings roaming around and tossing every little thing on the floor, those are the places he most finds himself. But when he does get the chance to crawl around a bit, he takes full advantage of it.
- He got his first two teeth last month (check them out in the photo above), and it looks like his top teeth might be making an appearance soon!
- He can pull himself into a sitting position now. The first time I noticed this was in church. I looked over to him while he was playing on the floor, and there he was, sitting up on his heels. Like a big boy. I had to have a double-take, it took me off-guard so much. But now he goes from a crawl to sitting on his bum all the time, so I'm used to it.
- Just like myself and Ally and Trey, he hates missing out on anything and just wants to be part of the group. He watches what we're all doing, laughs when we laugh, and puts his arms up to be tossed around by Daddy just like the other two. If I walk by him or away from him without picking him up, he cries, even if I'm just putting his bowl in the sink.
- He absolutely loves his baths. He cries when I take him out. He could be in the water all day if I were willing to put my knees through the torture to let him.
- He is fascinated by TV. He'll sit in his bouncer and get really absorbed into it. That's really bizarre for me to see because my older two weren't like that at his age.
- He hates when I go to work. Every time I put on my black chef's jacket, he starts crying. He knows that that means I'm going to be gone for what I'm sure feels like forever, and he'll have to try to suck down that nasty formula out of that dumb plastic thing. I'm starting to get the feeling that weaning him in a couple of months is not going to be easy...
All-in-all, he's still doing great. I know that I mentioned him crying several times in that list, but those are about the only times he cries. He's still happy and smiley and easy-going most of the time. And he's due for another haircut. I think that'll make for four in his first year. Still love his hair!
Friday, November 20, 2015
Why Trey is Now in Preschool (Even Though a Month Ago, He Wasn't)
Remember last month when I wrote a post about why my almost-5-year-old isn't in preschool? Well, now I'm going to take everything I said back.
Psych! Not really!
I mean, Trey really is in preschool now. But no, I'm not going back on what I said.
Let me explain...
As you'll recall, I said that I believe that kids need to be kids, they need to learn what they want when they are ready for it, and they shouldn't feel pressured into meeting standards that some fat guy in a suit sitting behind a desk on Capitol Hill says he should meet. I also said that he is spot-on in his development except for where his social skills are concerned, and I want to expose him to more social situations to help him prepare for kindergarten next year.
Well, I think I've found the perfect place for him to do all that!
I heard about a few ladies in my ward who got together and did their own little preschool, and we joined them this month. There are three other four-year-olds, and two of the moms trade-off hosting the class in their homes. They meet twice a week for two hours at a time.
The program they follow is called The Learning Box. Each month, they order a box that has all of the lessons and supplies necessary to hold the classes. There is very little prep required on the parents' end, and the lessons are really cute and fun for the kids. My favorite part of the box is the price. It only cost each of us $15.75 for the whole month. Sounds good to me!
Since it's run by us moms, it's kind of like a co-op. Like I said, two moms host and teach the class and the other two who choose not to host (myself included) trade-off with staying to help supervise the kids and help the kids with the craft projects.
And I gotta say, Trey is absolutely loving it! I was really nervous that he wouldn't want to be left with a stranger in a strange place, but he has not had a single problem with that. He even rides with the other moms when we carpool which I was certain he would pitch a fit about the first time we tried that. But his ride came and he ran out there with his little backpack just like a big boy! (Sniff sniff) He's growing up so quickly!
He did get a little nervous when I first told him that he was going to begin going to a school-like activity ("What? No way! I hate school!"), but after I assured him that it was a preschool and that it was at someone's house, he was okay with the idea. Now he asks me almost every day if it's his day to go to school. He looks forward to it, and he comes home and shows us the fun projects he did and the things he learned. I love seeing him so excited about it!
And I'm so glad that we found this because I really do think that he needs it. When I'm there, he has a hard time staying focused and often will get up and run around while the rest of the class is in the middle of something. I don't know of it's just because I'm there or if he does that every time, but he definitely needs some work with sitting and following directions.
He has improved with recognizing his letters, with his writing skills, and his scissor and gluing skills. ;) But again, there's no pressure to do too much too soon--no homework, no testing, and no state standards to meet. If he learns to read before he starts kindergarten, it'll be because he wants to, not because someone shoved it down his throat.
All-in-all, I couldn't be more thrilled with how things are going so far, and I'm so glad that Trey is loving it, too!
Psych! Not really!
I mean, Trey really is in preschool now. But no, I'm not going back on what I said.
Let me explain...
As you'll recall, I said that I believe that kids need to be kids, they need to learn what they want when they are ready for it, and they shouldn't feel pressured into meeting standards that some fat guy in a suit sitting behind a desk on Capitol Hill says he should meet. I also said that he is spot-on in his development except for where his social skills are concerned, and I want to expose him to more social situations to help him prepare for kindergarten next year.
Well, I think I've found the perfect place for him to do all that!
I heard about a few ladies in my ward who got together and did their own little preschool, and we joined them this month. There are three other four-year-olds, and two of the moms trade-off hosting the class in their homes. They meet twice a week for two hours at a time.
The program they follow is called The Learning Box. Each month, they order a box that has all of the lessons and supplies necessary to hold the classes. There is very little prep required on the parents' end, and the lessons are really cute and fun for the kids. My favorite part of the box is the price. It only cost each of us $15.75 for the whole month. Sounds good to me!
Since it's run by us moms, it's kind of like a co-op. Like I said, two moms host and teach the class and the other two who choose not to host (myself included) trade-off with staying to help supervise the kids and help the kids with the craft projects.
And I gotta say, Trey is absolutely loving it! I was really nervous that he wouldn't want to be left with a stranger in a strange place, but he has not had a single problem with that. He even rides with the other moms when we carpool which I was certain he would pitch a fit about the first time we tried that. But his ride came and he ran out there with his little backpack just like a big boy! (Sniff sniff) He's growing up so quickly!
He did get a little nervous when I first told him that he was going to begin going to a school-like activity ("What? No way! I hate school!"), but after I assured him that it was a preschool and that it was at someone's house, he was okay with the idea. Now he asks me almost every day if it's his day to go to school. He looks forward to it, and he comes home and shows us the fun projects he did and the things he learned. I love seeing him so excited about it!
And I'm so glad that we found this because I really do think that he needs it. When I'm there, he has a hard time staying focused and often will get up and run around while the rest of the class is in the middle of something. I don't know of it's just because I'm there or if he does that every time, but he definitely needs some work with sitting and following directions.
He has improved with recognizing his letters, with his writing skills, and his scissor and gluing skills. ;) But again, there's no pressure to do too much too soon--no homework, no testing, and no state standards to meet. If he learns to read before he starts kindergarten, it'll be because he wants to, not because someone shoved it down his throat.
All-in-all, I couldn't be more thrilled with how things are going so far, and I'm so glad that Trey is loving it, too!
Sunday, November 8, 2015
Evaluation of My 1-Month Challenge and a New Goal
At the end of September, I challenged myself to post on my blog every day for one month, and I am pretty dang proud of myself. The plan was to write every day from September 27 to October 25. I made it to October 23. I missed only two days, and I am thrilled with those results. The dates on my posts don't look like I posted every day since I posted after midnight on some days and before it on others, but I assure you, I did. And I have to say that I feel very accomplished!
There were several nights when it would have been very easy to tell myself to forget it, to just watch a show instead. There were other nights that I was lying in bed about to drift off to sleep, and I thought, Crap! I didn't write tonight! And still other nights when my husband probably thought I was crazy that I would rather dink around on my phone rather than talk to him. But I did it. I wrote my posts and hit Publish. Yeah, it was difficult, but I can do hard things.
I want to keep writing regularly, but writing every day is a bit much (I think I haven't written over the past couple of weeks because I just needed a break from it!). So I'm going to evaluate what I learned from this experience and come up with a new goal for myself.
First, I noticed that the hardest days to write were definitely the nights Brian had off. Not only was I physically tired on those days after working, but I would rather spend time with my hubby than have my nose glued to a screen. So I would like to reserve those nights for him.
The second thing I learned was that even though it's good to turn off the TV and use my brains a little bit, I really do enjoy watching something that doesn't constantly break the fourth wall and directly ask the audience obvious questions (you know the perpretrators: Jake, Daniel, Mickey, etc.), so I need nights where I can watch my shows without the kids harassing me to put on theirs.
Another thing I learned was that even though writing at night is the best time for me to do so, I cannot stay up too late doing it. I was on a pretty good sleep schedule before this challenge, but now I'm staying up way too late again and not getting enough accomplished during the day. So I need to limit the time that I write and give myself a bedtime.
The last thing I took from this challenge is that I truly do love writing! I mean, I already knew that, but I guess I was doubting myself about it since I've been procrastinating my novel and had such a poor track record with this blog. If I love it so much, then why don't I just do it?
But this project reminded me of the joy that putting my thoughts in print really brings me. I've noticed that I've been less stressed, more patient with the kids, and feeling happier with myself. I've been doing something that I love, every day, for no other reason than the fact that I love it. I've been filling my own bucket; taking care of myself. What a world of difference it has made, not only for me, but for my family as well.
So considering all of these things--that I want to take off the nights Brian is home, I need some nights to watch my shows, I can't write all night long, and that I really want to keep doing this!--I've decided to publish posts on two of the four nights that Brian has to work the next day. That'll be two or three posts a week. That should be few enough to not overwhelm me but regular enough to being me joy. I'll try it for a month and see how it goes. I'll reevaluate my progress then and see if I need to make any changes.
There were several nights when it would have been very easy to tell myself to forget it, to just watch a show instead. There were other nights that I was lying in bed about to drift off to sleep, and I thought, Crap! I didn't write tonight! And still other nights when my husband probably thought I was crazy that I would rather dink around on my phone rather than talk to him. But I did it. I wrote my posts and hit Publish. Yeah, it was difficult, but I can do hard things.
I want to keep writing regularly, but writing every day is a bit much (I think I haven't written over the past couple of weeks because I just needed a break from it!). So I'm going to evaluate what I learned from this experience and come up with a new goal for myself.
First, I noticed that the hardest days to write were definitely the nights Brian had off. Not only was I physically tired on those days after working, but I would rather spend time with my hubby than have my nose glued to a screen. So I would like to reserve those nights for him.
The second thing I learned was that even though it's good to turn off the TV and use my brains a little bit, I really do enjoy watching something that doesn't constantly break the fourth wall and directly ask the audience obvious questions (you know the perpretrators: Jake, Daniel, Mickey, etc.), so I need nights where I can watch my shows without the kids harassing me to put on theirs.
Another thing I learned was that even though writing at night is the best time for me to do so, I cannot stay up too late doing it. I was on a pretty good sleep schedule before this challenge, but now I'm staying up way too late again and not getting enough accomplished during the day. So I need to limit the time that I write and give myself a bedtime.
The last thing I took from this challenge is that I truly do love writing! I mean, I already knew that, but I guess I was doubting myself about it since I've been procrastinating my novel and had such a poor track record with this blog. If I love it so much, then why don't I just do it?
But this project reminded me of the joy that putting my thoughts in print really brings me. I've noticed that I've been less stressed, more patient with the kids, and feeling happier with myself. I've been doing something that I love, every day, for no other reason than the fact that I love it. I've been filling my own bucket; taking care of myself. What a world of difference it has made, not only for me, but for my family as well.
So considering all of these things--that I want to take off the nights Brian is home, I need some nights to watch my shows, I can't write all night long, and that I really want to keep doing this!--I've decided to publish posts on two of the four nights that Brian has to work the next day. That'll be two or three posts a week. That should be few enough to not overwhelm me but regular enough to being me joy. I'll try it for a month and see how it goes. I'll reevaluate my progress then and see if I need to make any changes.
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Eating Healthier Part 2: Eat Less Meat
Change #2--Eat Less Meat
Yep, you read that right--"Eat less meat." First off, if you've opened up this post and are reading this now, let me just say, "Thank you, for still being here with me. I know the thought of cutting back on our main protein source and 'most everybody's favorite part of every meal is really daunting, so thanks for giving me the chance to explain myself. (Also, read about the first change I made to my diet here.)
There are many reasons for cutting back on meat both for our bodies and for the environment, but before I go into all of that, let me show you what our diet looked like before I began cutting meat out. I'm sure it looks pretty familiar to a lot of you--
Our Diet Before:
"Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless, they are to be used sparingly;"
And I would say, "See, it says right there that men are to eat meat." And then I'd sit back with my arms folded and nose in the air as though the conversation were closed.
But there are a lot of questions that are now raised in my mind when I read that verse. #1-What does "sparingly" mean? Does that mean three times a day? Does that mean it should be the focal-point of every meal? Hundreds of pounds of it a year?
Hmm. I'm inclined to say, "I don't think so."
The next question arises from the punctuation used at the end of sentence--a semi-colon. Which every good English major knows means that the sentence doesn't end there. It continues on in the next verse. Maybe it will have an answer to my first question. Let's see:
"And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine."
Uh-oh.
So I guess "sparingly" doesn't mean huge chunks of it at every single meal, every single day for our entire lives. And just to make sure the Lord gets His point across, he reiterates it again in verse 15:
"And these hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine or excess of hunger."
I know what you're thinking because I thought it, too, and I'm going to be bold enough to say it out loud--veganism. The Lord wants us to be vegans! Or vegetarians at the least. Except for lean times. But let's face it, in our country in this day and age, there is no famine. For certain individuals due to lack of funds, maybe, but certainly not for lack of food. Not with preservation techniques and free trade. There is always an abundance of food available. Which means no famine. Which, according to this scripture, also means no meat.
I couldn't believe it when I realized this and fought the idea for a long time (and by "a long time", I mean "a couple of days") until I saw a certain Dr. Joel Fuhrman talking about his diet plan on several of the documentaries I saw. In one of his interviews, he showed the following chart and talked about his patients with diabetes. He said that these patients had tried several different diets to try to control their blood sugars and none of them really worked but this one:
As you can see, it's high in plant-based foods, low in meat, dairy, sugar, and processed foods. I found it so interesting at the time because I have an uncle who was just talking at Christmas about how he is borderline Type II Diabetes, and he's having a hard time bringing his levels down away from it.
Now this guy is one of those go-getters who never sits down, is always moving, and makes you feel lazy no matter what the subject may be. He's 70-years-old and walks every day and is super-slim and agile. His mind is sharp and he takes care of himself. His wife and he have even been eliminating fats and sugars from their diets for at least a couple of years as far as I know (Thanksgiving mashed potatoes with no butter. Yeah-no. Not so good).
So how the heck is he borderline diabetes? I was really shocked to hear him say that. And then I started learning all of these things and saw this chart and thought, "Ah. Meat. The man loves his meat."
I truly believe that if he would cut back on the amount of meat he eats, he could get away from that danger zone and not have to worry about diabetes anymore.
If you still need convincing that veganism is the way to go, watch Food, Inc. or Vegucated. They go into a lot of the gory details about how animals are raised for food, so I'm not going to do that here. I will say this: Have you ever seen Hoarders where the animal control officers come in and charge the owners with animal abuse and take all of the animals away? Well, they would have a hay-day in any and every single animal "farm" (more like "factory") across the country if they could. But they can't because animals raised for food are not protected under the same laws as pets. It's bogus and it's not right, but most of all, it comes back to my third question raised from two words in Section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants, "with thanksgiving."
"With thanksgiving." When I think of that, I think of the Native Americans and how they thank the beasts they kill for giving up their lives that man might live. Hunting seems to be a very spiritual experience for them, and it comes from a place of respect and gratitude.
That is not how "farming" is anymore. Stuffing animals into these houses where they have no room to move, where they never see sunlight or feel grass under their feet, live in their own poop, eat food that's not healthy for them, their babies are instantly dragged away from them never to be seen by them again and then they're artificially insiminated again just to go through the whole process again, being genetically and hormonally modified to become bigger or produce more quicker, faster...I know I'm ranting, but it's enough to make anybody really mad. I don't consider myself a "bunny-hugger" in any way, and I love eating meat, but I don't feel right doing it that way. Treating animals as part of a machine instead of as fellow God-created members of this earth is not respectful, and it most certainly is not "with thanksgiving." Instead they are taken for granted and objectified. It's just not right.
Now for the big question you're all thinking: Are you a vegan, Trisha? To that I must say, No, friend. No, I am not. And here's why--
#1-I have a family. I cook not only for myself but for others, and I don't have the time or money to make double the meals every single day to make everybody happy. Because my family loves meat, just as much if not more than I do, and any parent of little kids knows that if your children will eat something, anything, with nutrients in it, you do not take that away from them!
#2-I don't know how to cook vegan! I grew up with meat and potatoes and to expect me to just out of the blue cook all veggies and make sure we leave the dinner table with our taste buds and tummies satisfied is just ridiculous! It's hard enough when you try a new recipe and it's a total flop. Imagine taking that risk every single day because you're working with ingredients and recipes with which you are not familiar. If that thought isn't enough to send anybody running to the nearest McDonald's, I don't know what is.
So no, I'm not a vegan. But I'll tell you what--I'm learning how to be.
It comes back to the subtle changes I've made over the last year. And those changes would be--
Our Diet After
For Further Study--
Yep, you read that right--"Eat less meat." First off, if you've opened up this post and are reading this now, let me just say, "Thank you, for still being here with me. I know the thought of cutting back on our main protein source and 'most everybody's favorite part of every meal is really daunting, so thanks for giving me the chance to explain myself. (Also, read about the first change I made to my diet here.)
There are many reasons for cutting back on meat both for our bodies and for the environment, but before I go into all of that, let me show you what our diet looked like before I began cutting meat out. I'm sure it looks pretty familiar to a lot of you--
Our Diet Before:
- Breakfast
- Eggs
- Bacon
- Sausage
- Lunch
- Sandwiches with deli meat, canned tuna, or eggs
- Dinner
- Large portions of roast, pork chops, chicken breasts, you name it
"Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless, they are to be used sparingly;"
And I would say, "See, it says right there that men are to eat meat." And then I'd sit back with my arms folded and nose in the air as though the conversation were closed.
But there are a lot of questions that are now raised in my mind when I read that verse. #1-What does "sparingly" mean? Does that mean three times a day? Does that mean it should be the focal-point of every meal? Hundreds of pounds of it a year?
Hmm. I'm inclined to say, "I don't think so."
The next question arises from the punctuation used at the end of sentence--a semi-colon. Which every good English major knows means that the sentence doesn't end there. It continues on in the next verse. Maybe it will have an answer to my first question. Let's see:
"And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine."
Uh-oh.
So I guess "sparingly" doesn't mean huge chunks of it at every single meal, every single day for our entire lives. And just to make sure the Lord gets His point across, he reiterates it again in verse 15:
"And these hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine or excess of hunger."
I know what you're thinking because I thought it, too, and I'm going to be bold enough to say it out loud--veganism. The Lord wants us to be vegans! Or vegetarians at the least. Except for lean times. But let's face it, in our country in this day and age, there is no famine. For certain individuals due to lack of funds, maybe, but certainly not for lack of food. Not with preservation techniques and free trade. There is always an abundance of food available. Which means no famine. Which, according to this scripture, also means no meat.
I couldn't believe it when I realized this and fought the idea for a long time (and by "a long time", I mean "a couple of days") until I saw a certain Dr. Joel Fuhrman talking about his diet plan on several of the documentaries I saw. In one of his interviews, he showed the following chart and talked about his patients with diabetes. He said that these patients had tried several different diets to try to control their blood sugars and none of them really worked but this one:
 |
| Source |
As you can see, it's high in plant-based foods, low in meat, dairy, sugar, and processed foods. I found it so interesting at the time because I have an uncle who was just talking at Christmas about how he is borderline Type II Diabetes, and he's having a hard time bringing his levels down away from it.
Now this guy is one of those go-getters who never sits down, is always moving, and makes you feel lazy no matter what the subject may be. He's 70-years-old and walks every day and is super-slim and agile. His mind is sharp and he takes care of himself. His wife and he have even been eliminating fats and sugars from their diets for at least a couple of years as far as I know (Thanksgiving mashed potatoes with no butter. Yeah-no. Not so good).
So how the heck is he borderline diabetes? I was really shocked to hear him say that. And then I started learning all of these things and saw this chart and thought, "Ah. Meat. The man loves his meat."
I truly believe that if he would cut back on the amount of meat he eats, he could get away from that danger zone and not have to worry about diabetes anymore.
If you still need convincing that veganism is the way to go, watch Food, Inc. or Vegucated. They go into a lot of the gory details about how animals are raised for food, so I'm not going to do that here. I will say this: Have you ever seen Hoarders where the animal control officers come in and charge the owners with animal abuse and take all of the animals away? Well, they would have a hay-day in any and every single animal "farm" (more like "factory") across the country if they could. But they can't because animals raised for food are not protected under the same laws as pets. It's bogus and it's not right, but most of all, it comes back to my third question raised from two words in Section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants, "with thanksgiving."
"With thanksgiving." When I think of that, I think of the Native Americans and how they thank the beasts they kill for giving up their lives that man might live. Hunting seems to be a very spiritual experience for them, and it comes from a place of respect and gratitude.
That is not how "farming" is anymore. Stuffing animals into these houses where they have no room to move, where they never see sunlight or feel grass under their feet, live in their own poop, eat food that's not healthy for them, their babies are instantly dragged away from them never to be seen by them again and then they're artificially insiminated again just to go through the whole process again, being genetically and hormonally modified to become bigger or produce more quicker, faster...I know I'm ranting, but it's enough to make anybody really mad. I don't consider myself a "bunny-hugger" in any way, and I love eating meat, but I don't feel right doing it that way. Treating animals as part of a machine instead of as fellow God-created members of this earth is not respectful, and it most certainly is not "with thanksgiving." Instead they are taken for granted and objectified. It's just not right.
Now for the big question you're all thinking: Are you a vegan, Trisha? To that I must say, No, friend. No, I am not. And here's why--
#1-I have a family. I cook not only for myself but for others, and I don't have the time or money to make double the meals every single day to make everybody happy. Because my family loves meat, just as much if not more than I do, and any parent of little kids knows that if your children will eat something, anything, with nutrients in it, you do not take that away from them!
#2-I don't know how to cook vegan! I grew up with meat and potatoes and to expect me to just out of the blue cook all veggies and make sure we leave the dinner table with our taste buds and tummies satisfied is just ridiculous! It's hard enough when you try a new recipe and it's a total flop. Imagine taking that risk every single day because you're working with ingredients and recipes with which you are not familiar. If that thought isn't enough to send anybody running to the nearest McDonald's, I don't know what is.
So no, I'm not a vegan. But I'll tell you what--I'm learning how to be.
It comes back to the subtle changes I've made over the last year. And those changes would be--
Our Diet After
- Breakfast
- Little to no meat (rarely we'll have egg omelettes or breakfast burritos, but mostly the only meat we have are the eggs in our pancakes or muffins)
- Lunch
- Bean and cheese burritos
- Grilled cheese without meat (I used to insist on having deli meat)
- Chicken sandwiches and salads (I try to have a vegetarian meal for lunch, but we do have meat sometimes. I've tried to replace store-bought deli meat for a healthier and less-processed alternative, though)
- Salads and sandwiches with eggs or tuna (again, not vegan, but they do fit under the "vegetarian" label)
- Dinner
- Small (4 oz) servings of meat (I simply cut back on the meat in our favorite recipes and add more vegetables)
- Vegetarian meals twice a week (I usually use beans instead)
Goals You Could Set
- Simply try cutting back on the amount of meat you use in your dishes. It's really easy to do this with casseroles; for example, instead of using four chicken breasts for a recipe, use three then add more vegetables to make up the difference.
- Break out of your comfort zone and try something new! Someone said that becoming a vegan doesn't limit your diet but actually opens it up more than ever before. I believe that to be true! Since I started this, I have tried fruits and veggies that I never would have dared to try including kale, leeks, turnips, jicama, dragonfruit, and pomegranates. Being willing to add new plant-based foods to your diet will keep things interesting and avoid feeling like all you eat anymore are carrot and celery sticks.
- Try a new vegetarian or vegan recipe every week. Of course there are a ton of plant-based recipes online, but I'll share a couple of my favorite with you. Nikki Dinki was a contestant on The Next Food Network Star, and she serves her meat "on-the-side", meaning that she uses 4 oz of meat or less in all of her meals. This Veggie Bolognese is to die for! And it took me over a year to get up the courage to try tofu, but this Raise the Roof Sweet Potato Lasagna from The Engine 2 Diet has it in it, and it is a new favorite of my meat-loving husband! (I wouldn't recommend tofu as a substitute for chucken nuggets, though. The texture just isn't there). And yes, the ground cashews on top really do taste like cheese!
- Try making breakfast vegan or vegetarian and save the meat for just two meals a day. Then try having meat just once a day. Then work up to having whole days that are completely meat-free. The more recipes you learn, the easier this will become, and it's actually really fun learning new ways to cook and trying new things!
- Try substituting a different protein source for meat in some of your favorite recipes. You don't have to think completely out of the box when it comes to going meat-free. For instance, I have often made nachos, tacos, and taco salad sans the ground beef. I use black beans or refried beans instead. Another protein source I want to try is quinoa. I want to sub it for rice in an Asian dish or something. It's on my to-do list, anyway.
- As for dairy, there are plenty of vegan choices of, I think, everything--milk, cheeses (even cream cheese), butter, you name it. And there are simple substitutions you can make for eggs even in your baked goods. I've heard lots of good things about almond milk and would love to try it, but it's a bit out of my budget right now. Maybe later when I can put more towards food (a.k.a. when my kids grow up and move out and no longer eat me out of house and home), I'll give it a try.
Again, as I said in my last post, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. If you want to go completely meat and dairy-free in your diet but are so overwhelmed by that prospect, then don't feel bad about doing what you can when you can do it. Just start somewhere and that'll be a lot better than doing nothing. I mean, if everyone in the United States cut back to eating meat just once a day, then there probably wouldn't be a need for "factory farms" anymore which would have a major impact on the way animals are treated. It would also probably have a major impact on your heart health, too. Just like the Lord said, "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass," (Alma 37:6).
For Further Study--
Hungry for Change
Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead
Food, Inc.
Foodmatters
The Gerson Miracle
The Engine 2 Diet
Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead 2
Vegucated
GMO OMG
Ted Talks
Killer at Large
Forks Over Knives
Friday, October 23, 2015
Cooking Shows
I love cooking shows. My college roommate, Anna, got me into them, and now I can't get enough of them. Netflix just added a bunch of new ones. Tonight I stayed up too late watching The Worst Cook in America. Most cooking shows are about really great chefs who already know how to cook. It was fun and refreshing to see people who know nothing about cooking become really great chefs. Plus I learned a lot of neat techniques and such that I didn't know before. It was shows like this that helped spark a love of cooking in me. I want to write more about that but, like I said, I stayed up too late tonight. So I'll save that post for another day. Until then, friends!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)