Life Sketch of Darren Warren
Written and presented by his sister, Trisha Gronenthal
One time while in high school, my new sister-in-law, Vicky, made the comment that she hardly ever heard Darren say more than a couple of words at a time. I looked at her quizzically and said, “Really? ‘Cause I can hardly get him to shut up.” Seriously, sometimes we'd be talking on the couch, and I would get up to use the bathroom. He would follow me down the hall and wouldn’t stop talking until I shut the door in his face. Being only two years older than me, and our other brothers, JC and Curtis, being four and five years older than him, Darren and I were really close growing up, and we formed the kind of bond that I think it's safe to say he reserved for a select few. A bond of trust where he felt comfortable enough to share his thoughts, feelings, and dreams with me. It's because of this bond that I felt it fitting for me to give his life sketch, and I have a lot of nice things to say about my Big big brother.
Darren was born in the fall of 1985, the same year Nintendo was released in the USA. He came relatively quickly and easily (the doctor almost missed the delivery), but that wasn’t necessarily an omen of things to come. He had complications with his right eye, a condition called Posterior Vitreous Detachment, or PVD. He had tissue behind his eye that didn’t go away as he grew as it should have which caused scar tissue to form which limited his eye's development. As a result, he had poor vision through his right eye for all of his life and had no depth perception. The doctor said he would eventually lose all sight out of it. He received a priesthood blessing and did retain some peripheral vision out of his eye, which was a great blessing to him compared to being completely blind in it as the doctor had predicted.
So from the beginning, Darren was a little bit different. I always thought of him as the black sheep of the family which wasn’t a bad thing—he just was unique. My two oldest brothers and I had a lot of common interests with my parents including outdoorsy things such as sports, camping, four-wheeling, and snowmobiling. Darren much preferred his video games. And he was good at them. I remember when we were about four and six years old, I was always so frustrated trying to play Super Mario Brothers with him on our NES. He was always Mario and I was always Luigi, which meant he always got to go first. I had to wait until he died before I could take my turn. And he was so good that I had to wait for what seemed like hours for him to finally get killed by King Koopa on probably the fifth level or something. I would be so excited to finally get to play, and I would move forward for two seconds, go to jump over the very first goomba…and get killed. Every single time. So then it was his turn again and I'd have to start the wait all over again. And the one or two times he showed me mercy and let me be Mario. Didn’t make any difference. That first goomba still got me and I still had to wait forever to play. This is all the more impressive when you realize that Darren played with the remote control upside-down. It was just a rectangle so I can see why he would get it mixed up, except that left was right was left, up was down and down was up. Like I said, he liked to do things differently.
But we had lots of fun playing other games, too, ones that didn’t require me to wait around watching him have a good time. We played Spiderman, web-slinging from couch to couch; The Floor is Lava, which was pretty much the same thing minus the webs; we built blanket forts, played Monopoly, sailed our playhouse through vicious storms and rough seas, and slayed dragons that lived in the dark cave down the hall near my parents' bedroom. He was a really fun playmate to have while growing up.
That isn’t to say we got along splendidly all the time; quite the contrary, I think all of my family’s worst fights were with him. He banged my head with a door and I kicked him where the sun don't shine. The only stitches he received was from JC throwing a spade at the back of his head (for which he received the belt from Dad). He tried sharing a room with Curtis, but that didn’t seem to last very long before Mom couldn’t take all the bickering and moved Curtis in with JC. He really butt heads with the rest of us from time to time (or he just really wanted his own room and knew that was one way to get it. )
Of course, we had a lot of fun as a family, too. Our parents were wonderful about taking us on trips every summer, and thanks to them, Darren got to see a lot of places like Silver City, Idaho, Stanley Lake, the St. Anthony Sand Dunes, Island Park, Disneyland, Yellowstone National Park, Seattle, and even Anchorage after our nephew, Cyrus, was born. Even though camping, snowmobiling, and four-wheeling wasn’t really his thing, it was still fun to explore these new places together and make treasured memories.
One of my most treasured memories was when we went to the temple in Manti, Utah to be sealed together as a family forever. My parents chose Manti because of the pageant which we had attended the summer before. It was there that my dad's faith was rekindled and he decided to set his life straight with the Lord's will. It was there that I held Darren’s hand across the alter and was sealed as his sister for even after this life has ended. As a side note, it was also there that I later held my husband's hand as I was sealed as his wife for all eternity. It has become a most precious place in my heart.
It has also become a special place to Darren’s good friend, Michael Anderson. A few years after our sealing, we returned to Manti to attend the pageant again, and Michael joined us. When asked to recount a few memories of Darren, this was one of the first to come to mind. He and Darren played on the Nintendo DS on the drive down while I had my nose stuck in the fifth volume of Harry Potter. Those two shared a tent, we all performed baptisms for the dead, and, of course, we were spiritually edified during the show. Michael said he felt like family during that week, and still does. He feels like he has lost a brother.
Incidentally, Darren and Michael's friendship began over video games. During a Deacon’s Quorum overnighter when they were 12 or 13, everybody was headed outside to play when Michael noticed that Darren was sitting in front of the TV by himself. They bonded while playing Super Smash Bros and became nearly inseparable after that. Darren would often drive our four-wheeler down the canal road and over to Mike's house to play video games, go paintballing, or help him build his treehouse (which was a really awesome treehouse, by the way).
Video and computer games were very much a social lifeline for Darren. I felt like I hardly ever got to play our N64 or Nintendo GameCube because whenever he left the house, they went with him to share with his friends. When he was in high school, he often held Lan parties, which I'm not totally sure about this, but I'm pretty sure they connected their computers together so they could play games together (this was before Wi-fi and all of the online games we have now, remember). Sometimes I'd come home to find our full-size ping pong table covered with 5 or 6 computers surrounded by 5 or 6 teenage boys deeply engrossed in whatever it is they were doing. I may not have understood it, but Darren loved it.
Darren also bonded with his friends over card games he had made himself. This was his passion. He put a lot of time, effort, and love into his games. He created characters, rules, did all of his own artwork, first by hand, then as he became more computer-savvy, digitally generated and printed them on heavy cardstock. Another close and dear friend, Ernie Juarez, said Darren would bring these on school and church trips to play and try out. They were really creative and a lot of fun. More than anything, he wanted to be a gamemaker and have them out on the market. That was his dream. That's what he wanted to do with his life. I can't tell you how sad I am that he never got to accomplish that.
Speaking of church trips, my good friend, Joey Anderson, reminded me of their scout camp trip to Bartlett when some of the leaders (Jeff Harris) thought it would be funny to attack the tent Darren and Joey were sharing with a stuffed bear head. The grunting and shuffling around woke up Darren. He grabbed the flashlight and pointed it at the tent door to see a bear staring right at him. He woke up Joey, asked him what they should do to which he replied, “Turn off the light and hide!” I believe David Gochnour was sleeping through this whole thing until the bear's mouth clamped down on his leg. He then woke up and began kicking it which is probably the worst thing he could’ve done had it been a real bear. But Jeff ended up getting kicked in the head as well and the poor bear lost an eye. I'm just glad it was a prank or else they all probably would’ve been killed then.
Darren sure had some really awesome friends. While he struggled to find his footing as a young adult, many of them allowed him to stay with them for a time. He grew really close to their families, and I recently learned that actually more than thirteen kids consider him an uncle. When one sweet girl told of their friend's death, she replied, “Oh, I thought he was my uncle.” I believe it was Curtis who first called Darren Uncle Wookie back when Cyrus was born, and I'm really glad it stuck. Not only because he loved Star Wars or was big and hairy, but because he was brave, looked out for those he loved, and was a fiercely loyal friend. All of his nieces and nephews including his “adopted” ones can attest to that.
One year while he was staying with Michael and Christa Anderson, Darren came to my folks' to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with the family. It was just two weeks after Brian and I were married, and we had a wicked snowstorm that night. Darren had forgotten his gift for our family gift exchange, and rather than make someone wait till later to get their gift, he drove home in the snow to get it and got stuck in a huge drift on the way back. My dad, brothers, and new husband went out to rescue him. They came back soaking wet and freezing with their pants stiff as a board but safe and sound. What a way to say, “Welcome to the family, Brian!” But that was actually kind of a neat bonding experience for them all, and something Brian still talks about on occasion.
Darren was kind and considerate, and had a great sense of humor and an infectious laugh. And he had a big heart. He loved helping other people. As he grew older and computers became more and more common, he quickly became our guru. If we ever had a problem with something, we would call him up and he would either talk us through it or come right over and fix it for us. Sometimes he spent hours getting it just right, but he always refused payment for it. He didn’t think it was right to take payment for something he simply enjoyed doing. One time, Brian and I found ourselves in a bit of a pickle with finances, and we turned to Darren for help. Before we had even finished asking, he had his checkbook out and asked how much we needed. Didn’t even hesitate. While he's been living at home this last year, even though he would spend countless hours holed up in his room with his computers, every time Mom asked him for help with something, he would immediately drop what he was doing and go help her. That's just the kind of guy he was.
You could also say that Darren was a hard-core trekky. He loved sci-fi, fantasy, and Japanese anime and even attended ComicCon on at least one occasion that I know of. When the Lord of the Rings first came to theaters and he saw it for the first time, he came home just raving about it. Thought it was the best thing ever. So we went together as a family and my mom didn’t have quite the same reaction. It was too dark and evil for her. So like any good mother looking out for her kids, she forbid us to watch it anymore.
So when the second movie came to the Century Cinemas, what did this sweet little angel of a teenage daughter do? Lied to my mom (don't worry, Mom, I didn’t lie to you often). I told her that my friends and I were going to go see Kangaroo Jack and that I invited Darren to go with us. She thought that I was such a sweet sister to invite my big brother to tag along with my friends. Little did she know that we were going behind her back to watch The Lord of the Rings. She was a little confused later when Kangaroo Jack came out in the Burley Theater and I told her I wanted to see it again (“Was it really that good to watch it twice?” “Oh sure, Mom, I thought it was really funny.” …No, no it wasn’t. ) But we liked what we liked and we liked Lord of the Rings. So see it we did.
Like I mentioned before, Darren struggled for a few years after high school to find his place in the adult world, but we all felt like he had found it once he settled in Idaho Falls. He was holding down a job which he took pride in and did well with, he bought a condo, and he had some really neat friends. We didn’t see him at home much because his poor eyesight made it difficult for him to drive, but he reveled in his independence and I think was really proud of his accomplishments and the life he was making for himself.
One of his good friends in I.F. is named Susan. She is really into hiking and has even run half-marathons. She often encouraged Darren to get out and moving and they enjoyed taking walks on the greenbelt together. Just last month, Darren told me that he had recounted to Susan the worst hike of his life up on Skyline Trail from Lake Cleveland to Independence Lakes. He told her how steep, narrow, and rocky the trail was. How he felt like he couldn’t go on but he couldn’t turn back because their camp was already packed up and moved. How if it weren’t for Randy Harris and his friends rallying around him, he couldn’t have found the strength to make it to the end. As he finished his story, she responded, “I think I need to go try that trail.” He just looked at her incredulously and said, “Have you not heard a word I've said?”
Even though he enjoyed living in Idaho Falls, sadly, his mental and physical health began to get the best of him. He began having large and frequent panic attacks and his blood pressure was through the roof. He lost his job and struggled to keep or even find another one. I think it was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do, but he finally had to admit that he couldn’t do it anymore and that he needed help. He called my mom who said, “Come home and let's get you better.”
Even though the last thing he ever wanted to do was sell his condo and move back in with my parents, I'm so thankful that he did. Because my big brother, who was largely absent from our lives for the previous seven years (my children’s whole lives), was finally back. He was there for birthdays and holidays. We stayed up late playing Catan on New Year's Eve and watched The Last Jedi on Netflix (even though I fell asleep, it's the thought that counts, right?) Our kids got to really know their Uncle Wookie and made memories playing chess, Minecraft, and having piggyback rides. Those are the only memories they'll have, and I hope they’ll cherish them and look back on him with fondness.
Then one day, he stood up from his couch, and his heart just couldn’t take it anymore. I don't think he even knew what hit him. There’s only one word for it—tragic. It's tragic that he was taken from us so soon simply because he chose to not take care of himself the way he should have. I think that's the hardest thing for me—all the potential he had to be a doting husband and loving dad, publish his games, and live life to the fullest is gone because of his choices. It makes me sad and a little mad, but I am so thankful for the knowledge of a loving Savior who suffered all things so that he can have complete empathy for our unique situations. You see, Darren renounced his membership in the LDS church a few years ago. I'm not sure why, but I know that the Savior knows exactly what Darren was thinking, feeling, and going through, and I know that He loves my brother with a perfect love and that, even now, He will do all that He can to help Darren return to Him so that we can all be together again.
This week, I've had a lot of opportunities to visit with some of Darren’s friends and reminisce on his life. His friend, Ernie shared this sentiment with me, that they always said that they would like to get together someday, sit in a porch with a 6-pack of rootbeer and catch up. Even though he can’t join us now, if anyone would like to do that, I'm game. It would be great to reminisce on his life and remember the good times and honor his memory.
I’m really going to miss my Big big brother, (and I call him my Big big brother because he was bigger than my oldest brothers and they called him their big little brother. So to me, he's my Big big brother). But I’m thankful for the Savior and His plan for us to be together as families forever, and I know I'll see Darren again. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
