My Big Big Brother's Life Sketch

Life Sketch of Darren Warren

Written and presented by his sister, Trisha Gronenthal

One time while in high school, my new sister-in-law, Vicky, made the comment that she hardly ever heard Darren say more than a couple of words at a time. I looked at her quizzically and said, “Really? ‘Cause I can hardly get him to shut up.” Seriously, sometimes we'd be talking on the couch, and I would get up to use the bathroom. He would follow me down the hall and wouldn’t stop talking until I shut the door in his face. Being only two years older than me, and our other brothers, JC and Curtis, being four and five years older than him, Darren and I were really close growing up, and we formed the kind of bond that I think it's safe to say he reserved for a select few. A bond of trust where he felt comfortable enough to share his thoughts, feelings, and dreams with me. It's because of this bond that I felt it fitting for me to give his life sketch, and I have a lot of nice things to say about my Big big brother.

Darren was born in the fall of 1985, the same year Nintendo was released in the USA. He came relatively quickly and easily (the doctor almost missed the delivery), but that wasn’t necessarily an omen of things to come. He had complications with his right eye, a condition  called Posterior Vitreous Detachment, or PVD. He had tissue behind his eye that didn’t go away as he grew as it should have which caused scar tissue to form which limited his eye's development. As a result, he had poor vision through his right eye for all of his life and had no depth perception. The doctor said he would eventually lose all sight out of it. He received a priesthood blessing and did retain some peripheral vision out of his eye, which was a great blessing to him compared to being completely blind in it as the doctor had predicted.

So from the beginning, Darren was a little bit different. I always thought of him as the black sheep of the family which wasn’t a bad thing—he just was unique. My two oldest brothers and I had a lot of common interests with my parents including outdoorsy things such as sports, camping, four-wheeling, and snowmobiling. Darren much preferred his video games. And he was good at them. I remember when we were about four and six years old, I was always so frustrated trying to play Super Mario Brothers with him on our NES. He was always Mario and I was always Luigi, which meant he always got to go first. I had to wait until he died before I could take my turn. And he was so good that I had to wait for what seemed like hours for him to finally get killed by King Koopa on probably the fifth level or something. I would be so excited to finally get to play, and I would move forward for two seconds, go to jump over the very first goomba…and get killed. Every single time. So then it was his turn again and I'd have to start the wait all over again. And the one or two times he showed me mercy and let me be Mario. Didn’t make any difference. That first goomba still got me and I still had to wait forever to play. This is all the more impressive when you realize that Darren played with the remote control upside-down. It was just a rectangle so I can see why he would get it mixed up, except that left was right was left, up was down and down was up. Like I said, he liked to do things differently.

But we had lots of fun playing other games, too, ones that didn’t require me to wait around watching him have a good time. We played Spiderman, web-slinging from couch to couch; The Floor is Lava, which was pretty much the same thing minus the webs; we built blanket forts, played Monopoly, sailed our playhouse through vicious storms and rough seas, and slayed dragons that lived in the dark cave down the hall near my parents' bedroom. He was a really fun playmate to have while growing up.

That isn’t to say we got along splendidly all the time; quite the contrary, I think all of my family’s worst fights were with him. He banged my head with a door and I kicked him where the sun don't shine. The only stitches he received was from JC throwing a spade at the back of his head (for which he received the belt from Dad). He tried sharing a room with Curtis, but that didn’t seem to last very long before Mom couldn’t take all the bickering and moved Curtis in with JC. He really butt heads with the rest of us from time to time (or he just really wanted his own room and knew that was one way to get it. )

Of course, we had a lot of fun as a family, too. Our parents were wonderful about taking us on trips every summer, and thanks to them, Darren got to see a lot of places like Silver City, Idaho, Stanley Lake, the St. Anthony Sand Dunes, Island Park, Disneyland, Yellowstone National Park, Seattle, and even Anchorage after our nephew, Cyrus, was born. Even though camping, snowmobiling, and four-wheeling wasn’t really his thing, it was still fun to explore these new places together and make treasured memories.

One of my most treasured memories was when we went to the temple in Manti, Utah to be sealed together as a family forever. My parents chose Manti because of the pageant which we had attended the summer before. It was there that my dad's faith was rekindled and he decided to set his life straight with the Lord's will. It was there that I held Darren’s hand across the alter and was sealed  as his sister for even after this life has ended. As a side note, it was also there that I later held my husband's hand as I was sealed as his wife for all eternity. It has become a most precious place in my heart.

It has also become a special place to Darren’s good friend, Michael Anderson. A few years after our sealing, we returned to Manti to attend the pageant again, and Michael joined us. When asked to recount a few memories of Darren, this was one of the first to come to mind. He and Darren played on the Nintendo DS on the drive down while I had my nose stuck in the fifth volume of Harry Potter. Those two shared a tent, we all performed baptisms for the dead, and, of course, we were spiritually edified during the show. Michael said he felt like family during that week, and still does. He feels like he has lost a brother.

Incidentally, Darren and Michael's friendship began over video games. During a Deacon’s Quorum overnighter when they were 12 or 13, everybody was headed outside to play when Michael noticed that Darren was sitting in front of the TV by himself. They bonded while playing Super Smash Bros and became nearly inseparable after that. Darren would often drive our four-wheeler down the canal road and over to Mike's house to play video games, go paintballing, or help him build his treehouse (which was a really awesome treehouse, by the way).

Video and computer games were very much a social lifeline for Darren. I felt like I hardly ever got to play our N64 or Nintendo GameCube because whenever he left the house, they went with him to share with his friends. When he was in high school, he often held Lan parties, which I'm not totally sure about this, but I'm pretty sure they connected their computers together so they could play games together (this was before Wi-fi and all of the online games we have now, remember). Sometimes I'd come home to find our full-size ping pong table covered with 5 or 6 computers surrounded by 5 or 6 teenage boys deeply engrossed in whatever it is they were doing. I may not have understood it, but Darren loved it.

Darren also bonded with his friends over card games he had made himself. This was his passion. He put a lot of time, effort, and love into his games. He created characters, rules, did all of his own artwork, first by hand, then as he became more computer-savvy, digitally generated and printed them on heavy cardstock. Another close and dear friend, Ernie Juarez, said Darren would bring these on school and church trips to play and try out. They were really creative and a lot of fun. More than anything, he wanted to be a gamemaker and have them out on the market. That was his dream. That's what he wanted to do with his life. I can't tell you how sad I am that he never got to accomplish that.

Speaking of church trips, my good friend, Joey Anderson, reminded me of their scout camp trip to Bartlett when some of the leaders (Jeff Harris) thought it would be funny to attack the tent Darren and Joey were sharing with a stuffed bear head. The grunting and shuffling around woke up Darren. He grabbed the flashlight and pointed it at the tent door to see a bear staring right at him. He woke up Joey, asked him what they should do to which he replied, “Turn off the light and hide!” I believe David Gochnour was sleeping through this whole thing until the bear's mouth clamped down on his leg. He then woke up and began kicking it which is probably the worst thing he could’ve done had it been a real bear. But Jeff ended up getting kicked in the head as well and the poor bear lost an eye. I'm just glad it was a prank or else they all probably would’ve been killed then.

Darren sure had some really awesome friends. While he struggled to find his footing as a young adult, many of them allowed him to stay with them for a time. He grew really close to their families, and I recently learned that actually more than thirteen kids consider him an uncle. When one sweet girl told of their friend's death, she replied, “Oh, I thought he was my uncle.” I believe it was Curtis who first called Darren Uncle Wookie back when Cyrus was born, and I'm really glad it stuck. Not only because he loved Star Wars or was big and hairy, but because he was brave, looked out for those he loved, and was a fiercely loyal friend. All of his nieces and nephews including his “adopted” ones can attest to that.

One year while he was staying with Michael and Christa Anderson, Darren came to my folks' to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with the family. It was just two weeks after Brian and I were married, and we had a wicked snowstorm that night. Darren had forgotten his gift for our family gift exchange, and rather than make someone wait till later to get their gift, he drove home in the snow to get it and got stuck in a huge drift on the way back. My dad, brothers, and new husband went out to rescue him. They came back soaking wet and freezing with their pants stiff as a board but safe and sound. What a way to say, “Welcome to the family, Brian!” But that was actually kind of a neat bonding experience for them all, and something Brian still talks about on occasion.

Darren was kind and considerate, and had a great sense of humor and an infectious laugh. And he had a big heart. He loved helping other people. As he grew older and computers became more and more common, he quickly became our guru. If we ever had a problem with something, we would call him up and he would either talk us through it or come right over and fix it for us. Sometimes he spent hours getting it just right, but he always refused payment for it. He didn’t think it was right to take payment for something he simply enjoyed doing. One time, Brian and I found ourselves in a bit of a pickle with finances, and we turned to Darren for help. Before we had even finished asking, he had his checkbook out and asked how much we needed. Didn’t even hesitate. While he's been living at home this last year, even though he would spend countless hours holed up in his room with his computers, every time Mom asked him for help with something, he would immediately drop what he was doing and go help her. That's just the kind of guy he was.

You could also say that Darren was a hard-core trekky. He loved sci-fi, fantasy, and Japanese anime and even attended ComicCon on at least one occasion that I know of. When the Lord of the Rings first came to theaters and he saw it for the first time, he came home just raving about it. Thought it was the best thing ever. So we went together as a family and my mom didn’t have quite the same reaction. It was too dark and evil for her. So like any good mother looking out for her kids, she forbid us to watch it anymore.

So when the second movie came to the Century Cinemas, what did this sweet little angel of a teenage daughter do? Lied to my mom (don't worry, Mom, I didn’t lie to you often). I told her that my friends and I were going to go see Kangaroo Jack and that I invited Darren to go with us. She thought that I was such a sweet sister to invite my big brother to tag along with my friends. Little did she know that we were going behind her back to watch The Lord of the Rings. She was a little confused later when Kangaroo Jack came out in the Burley Theater and I told her I wanted to see it again (“Was it really that good to watch it twice?” “Oh sure, Mom, I thought it was really funny.” …No, no it wasn’t. ) But we liked what we liked and we liked Lord of the Rings. So see it we did.

Like I mentioned before, Darren struggled for a few years after high school to find his place in the adult world, but we all felt like he had found it once he settled in Idaho Falls. He was holding down a job which he took pride in and did well with, he bought a condo, and he had some really neat friends. We didn’t see him at home much because his poor eyesight made it difficult for him to drive, but he reveled in his independence and I think was really proud of his accomplishments and the life he was making for himself.

One of his good friends in I.F. is named Susan. She is really into hiking and has even run half-marathons. She often encouraged Darren to get out and moving and they enjoyed taking walks on the greenbelt together. Just last month, Darren told me that he had recounted to Susan the worst hike of his life up on Skyline Trail from Lake Cleveland to Independence Lakes. He told her how steep, narrow, and rocky the trail was. How he felt like he couldn’t go on but he couldn’t turn back because their camp was already packed up and moved. How if it weren’t for Randy Harris and his friends rallying around him, he couldn’t have found the strength to make it to the end. As he finished his story, she responded, “I think I need to go try that trail.” He just looked at her incredulously and said, “Have you not heard a word I've said?”

Even though he enjoyed living in Idaho Falls, sadly, his mental and physical health began to get the best of him. He began having large and frequent panic attacks and his blood pressure was through the roof. He lost his job and struggled to keep or even find another one. I think it was probably the hardest thing he ever had to do, but he finally had to admit that he couldn’t do it anymore and that he needed help. He called my mom who said, “Come home and let's get you better.”

Even though the last thing he ever wanted to do was sell his condo and move back in with my parents, I'm so thankful that he did. Because my big brother, who was largely absent from our lives for the previous seven years (my children’s whole lives), was finally back. He was there for birthdays and holidays. We stayed up late playing Catan on New Year's Eve and watched The Last Jedi on Netflix (even though I fell asleep, it's the thought that counts, right?) Our kids got to really know their Uncle Wookie and made memories playing chess, Minecraft, and having piggyback rides. Those are the only memories they'll have, and I hope they’ll cherish them and look back on him with fondness.

Then one day, he stood up from his couch, and his heart just couldn’t take it anymore. I don't think he even knew what hit him. There’s only one word for it—tragic. It's tragic that he was taken from us so soon simply because he chose to not take care of himself the way he should have. I think that's the hardest thing for me—all the potential he had to be a doting husband and loving dad, publish his games, and live life to the fullest is gone because of his choices. It makes me sad and a little mad, but I am so thankful for the knowledge of a loving Savior who suffered all things so that he can have complete empathy for our unique situations. You see, Darren renounced his membership in the LDS church a few years ago. I'm not sure why, but I know that the Savior knows exactly what Darren was thinking, feeling, and going through, and I know that He loves my brother with a perfect love and that, even now, He will do all that He can to help Darren return to Him so that we can all be together again.

This week, I've had a lot of opportunities to visit with some of Darren’s friends and reminisce on his life. His friend, Ernie shared this sentiment with me, that they always said that they would like to get together someday, sit in a porch with a 6-pack of rootbeer and catch up. Even though he can’t join us now, if anyone would like to do that, I'm game. It would be great to reminisce on his life and remember the good times and honor his memory.

I’m really going to miss my Big big brother, (and I call him my Big big brother because he was bigger than my oldest brothers and they called him their big little brother. So to me, he's my Big big brother). But I’m thankful for the Savior and His plan for us to be together as families forever, and I know I'll see Darren again. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Getting a Little Political

You know, I don't consider myself much of a political person--I've never watched a political debate, I don't follow presidential races or individual candidates religiously, and I've voted outside of a presidential election only once. But, as an American who studied basic Political Science in college and who minored in History, I do understand the importance of casting informed votes, so I try to pay attention to the news and vote for who I feel would make the best leader for our country based on their principles, morals, and platforms.

The trouble is, I just don't know who I can really trust.

Maybe I've read too much John Grisham, but part of me just feels like it's all a game, a set-up, that the person with the most money will win despite what the American people want (can you say "recount"?). And those who don't have the big bucks will say or do anything to win votes. How do I know if these people are sincere? How do I know what's in their hearts? How am I supposed to choose between a bunch of marionettes up on stage saying what they think the majority of American people want to hear just so they can mark "Become the president of the United States" off of their bucket lists? Except for Trump who seems to say whatever comes to his mind giving further proof that he's as big of a sleezeball as we all thought he was. But besides him, who knows what anybody's really thinking?

Times are so scary. There's a terrorist in the White House determined to destroy this country, ISIS cowards are attacking us on our own soil and our government is doing nothing about it, liberalism seems to be outweighing the scale of our society, mothers are killing their unborn children just because it's too inconvenient to be blessed with a miracle right now, and on and on and on. Simply put, it's crazy.

I was reading in the Book of Jarom today, and this passage stood out to me: "And it came to pass that [the Lamanites] came many times against us, the Nephites, to battle. But our kings and our leaders were mighty men in the faith of the Lord; and they taught the people the ways of the Lord; wherefore, we withstood the Lamanites and swept them away out of our hands, and began to fortify our cities, or whatsoever place of our inheritance" (1:7).

What a magnificent prospect! Political leaders who not only hold high values themselves but who actually teach them to their constituents! And it's because of these teachings that they are able to push the enemy out of their lands, build up the protection of their cities, and allow their people to prosper.

These are the kind of leaders we need today. If we are to overcome our enemies, stick together, and make this country as great as we know it should be, then we must have leaders who not only have the Lord in their lives, but who will be willing to teach His Word to the nation despite the chance that they might offend someone. Christ didn't seem to let that possibility hold him back from rebuking the Pharisees or Sadduccees or any other group of people who had fallen off the right path and needed to be corrected. We as Christians covenant to spread His Word in spite of all obstacles. Political leaders should not be the exception in that but the examplars.

Our world used to have great leaders who spread the Lord's truth without hesitation. Leaders like Roosevelt and Churchill. I bet our time isn't so different from the WWII era. The world was full of war-torn countries with refugees fleeing for their lives and in 1941, we had just experienced an attack in our own country. People were confused and scared and didn't know what to think or how to feel or what to do. But these two men stood up to the challenge and brought hope, courage, and inspiration to their people. Unlike our leader who spouts out ridiculouness things like being afraid, aiding the enemy, and disarming us to make us more vulnerable. Roosevelt and Churchill made two beautiful speeches on Christmas Eve and you can read them here and here. I'd highly encourage you to do so. These speeches are what our country needs to hear this Christmas Eve.

I wish we had a leader who felt the same way as these two men. I hope and pray that next year we will find a man who does to be our next president...if our country is still around by them.

Grayson at 10 Months

Grayson turned 10 months today. Here's what he's been up to the last couple of months--

• He is officially cruising--pulling himself up to a standing position against furniture and walking along it--and has been for about a month-month and a half. Even though he hasn't tried walking or standing on his own, he loves walking along with his daddy and big sister while they hold onto his hands. 
• He also loves exploring and being free! That said, he now hates his bouncer and play pen. But with a big dog and two very messy older siblings roaming around and tossing every little thing on the floor, those are the places he most finds himself. But when he does get the chance to crawl around a bit, he takes full advantage of it. 
• He got his first two teeth last month (check them out in the photo above), and it looks like his top teeth might be making an appearance soon!
• He can pull himself into a sitting position now. The first time I noticed this was in church. I looked over to him while he was playing on the floor, and there he was, sitting up on his heels. Like a big boy. I had to have a double-take, it took me off-guard so much. But now he goes from a crawl to sitting on his bum all the time, so I'm used to it.
• Just like myself and Ally and Trey, he hates missing out on anything and just wants to be part of the group. He watches what we're all doing, laughs when we laugh, and puts his arms up to be tossed around by Daddy just like the other two. If I walk by him or away from him without picking him up, he cries, even if I'm just putting his bowl in the sink. 
• He absolutely loves his baths. He cries when I take him out. He could be in the water all day if I were willing to put my knees through the torture to let him. 
• He is fascinated by TV. He'll sit in his bouncer and get really absorbed into it. That's really bizarre for me to see because my older two weren't like that at his age.
• He hates when I go to work. Every time I put on my black chef's jacket, he starts crying. He knows that that means I'm going to be gone for what I'm sure feels like forever, and he'll have to try to suck down that nasty formula out of that dumb plastic thing. I'm starting to get the feeling that weaning him in a couple of months is not going to be easy...

All-in-all, he's still doing great. I know that I mentioned him crying several times in that list, but those are about the only times he cries. He's still happy and smiley and easy-going most of the time. And he's due for another haircut. I think that'll make for four in his first year. Still love his hair!

Why Trey is Now in Preschool (Even Though a Month Ago, He Wasn't)

Remember last month when I wrote a post about why my almost-5-year-old isn't in preschool? Well, now I'm going to take everything I said back.

Psych! Not really!

I mean, Trey really is in preschool now. But no, I'm not going back on what I said.

Let me explain...

As you'll recall, I said that I believe that kids need to be kids, they need to learn what they want when they are ready for it, and they shouldn't feel pressured into meeting standards that some fat guy in a suit sitting behind a desk on Capitol Hill says he should meet. I also said that he is spot-on in his development except for where his social skills are concerned, and I want to expose him to more social situations to help him prepare for kindergarten next year.

Well, I think I've found the perfect place for him to do all that!

I heard about a few ladies in my ward who got together and did their own little preschool, and we joined them this month. There are three other four-year-olds, and two of the moms trade-off hosting the class in their homes. They meet twice a week for two hours at a time.

The program they follow is called The Learning Box. Each month, they order a box that has all of the lessons and supplies necessary to hold the classes. There is very little prep required on the parents' end, and the lessons are really cute and fun for the kids. My favorite part of the box is the price. It only cost each of us $15.75 for the whole month. Sounds good to me!

Since it's run by us moms, it's kind of like a co-op. Like I said, two moms host and teach the class and the other two who choose not to host (myself included) trade-off with staying to help supervise the kids and help the kids with the craft projects.

And I gotta say, Trey is absolutely loving it! I was really nervous that he wouldn't want to be left with a stranger in a strange place, but he has not had a single problem with that. He even rides with the other moms when we carpool which I was certain he would pitch a fit about the first time we tried that. But his ride came and he ran out there with his little backpack just like a big boy! (Sniff sniff) He's growing up so quickly!

He did get a little nervous when I first told him that he was going to begin going to a school-like activity ("What? No way! I hate school!"), but after I assured him that it was a preschool and that it was at someone's house, he was okay with the idea. Now he asks me almost every day if it's his day to go to school. He looks forward to it, and he comes home and shows us the fun projects he did and the things he learned. I love seeing him so excited about it!

And I'm so glad that we found this because I really do think that he needs it. When I'm there, he has a hard time staying focused and often will get up and run around while the rest of the class is in the middle of something. I don't know of it's just because I'm there or if he does that every time, but he definitely needs some work with sitting and following directions.

He has improved with recognizing his letters, with his writing skills, and his scissor and gluing skills. ;) But again, there's no pressure to do too much too soon--no homework, no testing, and no state standards to meet. If he learns to read before he starts kindergarten, it'll be because he wants to, not because someone shoved it down his throat.

All-in-all, I couldn't be more thrilled with how things are going so far, and I'm so glad that Trey is loving it, too!

Evaluation of My 1-Month Challenge and a New Goal

At the end of September, I challenged myself to post on my blog every day for one month, and I am pretty dang proud of myself. The plan was to write every day from September 27 to October 25. I made it to October 23. I missed only two days, and I am thrilled with those results. The dates on my posts don't look like I posted every day since I posted after midnight on some days and before it on others, but I assure you, I did. And I have to say that I feel very accomplished!

There were several nights when it would have been very easy to tell myself to forget it, to just watch a show instead. There were other nights that I was lying in bed about to drift off to sleep, and I thought, Crap! I didn't write tonight! And still other nights when my husband probably thought I was crazy that I would rather dink around on my phone rather than talk to him. But I did it. I wrote my posts and hit Publish. Yeah, it was difficult, but I can do hard things.

I want to keep writing regularly, but writing every day is a bit much (I think I haven't written over the past couple of weeks because I just needed a break from it!). So I'm going to evaluate what I learned from this experience and come up with a new goal for myself.

First, I noticed that the hardest days to write were definitely the nights Brian had off. Not only was I physically tired on those days after working, but I would rather spend time with my hubby than have my nose glued to a screen. So I would like to reserve those nights for him.

The second thing I learned was that even though it's good to turn off the TV and use my brains a little bit, I really do enjoy watching something that doesn't constantly break the fourth wall and directly ask the audience obvious questions (you know the perpretrators: Jake, Daniel, Mickey, etc.), so I need nights where I can watch my shows without the kids harassing me to put on theirs.

Another thing I learned was that even though writing at night is the best time for me to do so, I cannot stay up too late doing it. I was on a pretty good sleep schedule before this challenge, but now I'm staying up way too late again and not getting enough accomplished during the day. So I need to limit the time that I write and give myself a bedtime.

The last thing I took from this challenge is that I truly do love writing! I mean, I already knew that, but I guess I was doubting myself about it since I've been procrastinating my novel and had such a poor track record with this blog. If I love it so much, then why don't I just do it?

But this project reminded me of the joy that putting my thoughts in print really brings me. I've noticed that I've been less stressed, more patient with the kids, and feeling happier with myself. I've been doing something that I love, every day, for no other reason than the fact that I love it. I've been filling my own bucket; taking care of myself. What a world of difference it has made, not only for me, but for my family as well.

So considering all of these things--that I want to take off the nights Brian is home, I need some nights to watch my shows, I can't write all night long, and that I really want to keep doing this!--I've decided to publish posts on two of the four nights that Brian has to work the next day. That'll be two or three posts a week. That should be few enough to not overwhelm me but regular enough to being me joy. I'll try it for a month and see how it goes. I'll reevaluate my progress then and see if I need to make any changes.

Eating Healthier Part 2: Eat Less Meat

Change #2--Eat Less Meat

Yep, you read that right--"Eat less meat." First off, if you've opened up this post and are reading this now, let me just say, "Thank you, for still being here with me. I know the thought of cutting back on our main protein source and 'most everybody's favorite part of every meal is really daunting, so thanks for giving me the chance to explain myself. (Also, read about the first change I made to my diet here.)

There are many reasons for cutting back on meat both for our bodies and for the environment, but before I go into all of that, let me show you what our diet looked like before I began cutting meat out. I'm sure it looks pretty familiar to a lot of you--

Our Diet Before:

• Breakfast
• Eggs
• Bacon
• Sausage 

• Lunch
• Sandwiches with deli meat, canned tuna, or eggs
• Dinner
•  Large portions of roast, pork chops, chicken breasts, you name it

Meat is always a fun one to talk about with Latter-day Saints because it always comes back to scripture. And I used to say it, too, so I know where they're coming from. I would pull out the Doctrine and Covenants and turn to Section 89 (which gives specific guidelines on how to treat our bodies) verse 12 which reads:

"Yea, flesh also of beasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless, they are to be used sparingly;"

And I would say, "See, it says right there that men are to eat meat." And then I'd sit back with my arms folded and nose in the air as though the conversation were closed.

But there are a lot of questions that are now raised in my mind when I read that verse. #1-What does "sparingly" mean? Does that mean three times a day? Does that mean it should be the focal-point of every meal? Hundreds of pounds of it a year?

Hmm. I'm inclined to say, "I don't think so."

The next question arises from the punctuation used at the end of sentence--a semi-colon. Which every good English major knows means that the sentence doesn't end there. It continues on in the next verse. Maybe it will have an answer to my first question. Let's see:

"And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be used, only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine."

Uh-oh.

So I guess "sparingly" doesn't mean huge chunks of it at every single meal, every single day for our entire lives. And just to make sure the Lord gets His point across, he reiterates it again in verse 15:

"And these hath God made for the use of man only in times of famine or excess of hunger."

I know what you're thinking because I thought it, too, and I'm going to be bold enough to say it out loud--veganism. The Lord wants us to be vegans! Or vegetarians at the least. Except for lean times. But let's face it, in our country in this day and age, there is no famine. For certain individuals due to lack of funds, maybe, but certainly not for lack of food. Not with preservation techniques and free trade. There is always an abundance of food available. Which means no famine. Which, according to this scripture, also means no meat.

I couldn't believe it when I realized this and fought the idea for a long time (and by "a long time", I mean "a couple of days") until I saw a certain Dr. Joel Fuhrman talking about his diet plan on several of the documentaries I saw. In one of his interviews, he showed the following chart and talked about his patients with diabetes. He said that these patients had tried several different diets to try to control their blood sugars and none of them really worked but this one:

Source

As you can see, it's high in plant-based foods, low in meat, dairy, sugar, and processed foods. I found it so interesting at the time because I have an uncle who was just talking at Christmas about how he is borderline Type II Diabetes, and he's having a hard time bringing his levels down away from it.

Now this guy is one of those go-getters who never sits down, is always moving, and makes you feel lazy no matter what the subject may be. He's 70-years-old and walks every day and is super-slim and agile. His mind is sharp and he takes care of himself. His wife and he have even been eliminating fats and sugars from their diets for at least a couple of years as far as I know (Thanksgiving mashed potatoes with no butter. Yeah-no. Not so good).

So how the heck is he borderline diabetes? I was really shocked to hear him say that. And then I started learning all of these things and saw this chart and thought, "Ah. Meat. The man loves his meat."

I truly believe that if he would cut back on the amount of meat he eats, he could get away from that danger zone and not have to worry about diabetes anymore.

If you still need convincing that veganism is the way to go, watch Food, Inc. or Vegucated. They go into a lot of the gory details about how animals are raised for food, so I'm not going to do that here. I will say this: Have you ever seen Hoarders where the animal control officers come in and charge the owners with animal abuse and take all of the animals away? Well, they would have a hay-day in any and every single animal "farm" (more like "factory") across the country if they could. But they can't because animals raised for food are not protected under the same laws as pets. It's bogus and it's not right, but most of all, it comes back to my third question raised from two words in Section 89 of the Doctrine and Covenants, "with thanksgiving."

"With thanksgiving." When I think of that, I think of the Native Americans and how they thank the beasts they kill for giving up their lives that man might live. Hunting seems to be a very spiritual experience for them, and it comes from a place of respect and gratitude.

That is not how "farming" is anymore. Stuffing animals into these houses where they have no room to move, where they never see sunlight or feel grass under their feet, live in their own poop, eat food that's not healthy for them, their babies are instantly dragged away from them never to be seen by them again and then they're artificially insiminated again just to go through the whole process again, being genetically and hormonally modified to become bigger or produce more quicker, faster...I know I'm ranting, but it's enough to make anybody really mad. I don't consider myself a "bunny-hugger" in any way, and I love eating meat, but I don't feel right doing it that way. Treating animals as part of a machine instead of as fellow God-created members of this earth is not respectful, and it most certainly is not "with thanksgiving." Instead they are taken for granted and objectified. It's just not right.

Now for the big question you're all thinking: Are you a vegan, Trisha? To that I must say, No, friend. No, I am not. And here's why--

#1-I have a family. I cook not only for myself but for others, and I don't have the time or money to make double the meals every single day to make everybody happy. Because my family loves meat, just as much if not more than I do, and any parent of little kids knows that if your children will eat something, anything, with nutrients in it, you do not take that away from them!

#2-I don't know how to cook vegan! I grew up with meat and potatoes and to expect me to just out of the blue cook all veggies and make sure we leave the dinner table with our taste buds and tummies satisfied is just ridiculous! It's hard enough when you try a new recipe and it's a total flop. Imagine taking that risk every single day because you're working with ingredients and recipes with which you are not familiar. If that thought isn't enough to send anybody running to the nearest McDonald's, I don't know what is.

So no, I'm not a vegan. But I'll tell you what--I'm learning how to be.

It comes back to the subtle changes I've made over the last year. And those changes would be--

Our Diet After

• Breakfast
• Little to no meat (rarely we'll have egg omelettes or breakfast burritos, but mostly the only meat we have are the eggs in our pancakes or muffins)
• Lunch
• Bean and cheese burritos
• Grilled cheese without meat (I used to insist on having deli meat)
• Chicken sandwiches and salads (I try to have a vegetarian meal for lunch, but we do have meat sometimes. I've tried to replace store-bought deli meat for a healthier and less-processed alternative, though) 
• Salads and sandwiches with eggs or tuna (again, not vegan, but they do fit under the "vegetarian" label)
• Dinner
• Small (4 oz) servings of meat (I simply cut back on the meat in our favorite recipes and add more vegetables)
• Vegetarian meals twice a week (I usually use beans instead)

Goals You Could Set

• Simply try cutting back on the amount of meat you use in your dishes. It's really easy to do this with casseroles; for example, instead of using four chicken breasts for a recipe, use three then add more vegetables to make up the difference.
• Break out of your comfort zone and try something new! Someone said that becoming a vegan doesn't limit your diet but actually opens it up more than ever before. I believe that to be true! Since I started this, I have tried fruits and veggies that I never would have dared to try including kale, leeks, turnips, jicama, dragonfruit, and pomegranates. Being willing to add new plant-based foods to your diet will keep things interesting and avoid feeling like all you eat anymore are carrot and celery sticks.
• Try a new vegetarian or vegan recipe every week. Of course there are a ton of plant-based recipes online, but I'll share a couple of my favorite with you. Nikki Dinki was a contestant on The Next Food Network Star, and she serves her meat "on-the-side", meaning that she uses 4 oz of meat or less in all of her meals. This Veggie Bolognese is to die for! And it took me over a year to get up the courage to try tofu, but this Raise the Roof Sweet Potato Lasagna from The Engine 2 Diet has it in it, and it is a new favorite of my meat-loving husband! (I wouldn't recommend tofu as a substitute for chucken nuggets, though. The texture just isn't there). And yes, the ground cashews on top really do taste like cheese!
• Try making breakfast vegan or vegetarian and save the meat for just two meals a day. Then try having meat just once a day. Then work up to having whole days that are completely meat-free. The more recipes you learn, the easier this will become, and it's actually really fun learning new ways to cook and trying new things!
• Try substituting a different protein source for meat in some of your favorite recipes. You don't have to think completely out of the box when it comes to going meat-free. For instance, I have often made nachos, tacos, and taco salad sans the ground beef. I use black beans or refried beans instead. Another protein source I want to try is quinoa. I want to sub it for rice in an Asian dish or something. It's on my to-do list, anyway.
• As for dairy, there are plenty of vegan choices of, I think, everything--milk, cheeses (even cream cheese), butter, you name it. And there are simple substitutions you can make for eggs even in your baked goods. I've heard lots of good things about almond milk and would love to try it, but it's a bit out of my budget right now. Maybe later when I can put more towards food (a.k.a. when my kids grow up and move out and no longer eat me out of house and home), I'll give it a try.

Again, as I said in my last post, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. If you want to go completely meat and dairy-free in your diet but are so overwhelmed by that prospect, then don't feel bad about doing what you can when you can do it. Just start somewhere and that'll be a lot better than doing nothing. I mean, if everyone in the United States cut back to eating meat just once a day, then there probably wouldn't be a need for "factory farms" anymore which would have a major impact on the way animals are treated. It would also probably have a major impact on your heart health, too. Just like the Lord said, "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass," (Alma 37:6).

For Further Study--

Hungry for Change

Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead

Food, Inc.

Foodmatters

The Gerson Miracle

The Engine 2 Diet

Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead 2

Vegucated

GMO OMG

Ted Talks

Killer at Large

Forks Over Knives

Cooking Shows

I love cooking shows. My college roommate, Anna, got me into them, and now I can't get enough of them. Netflix just added a bunch of new ones. Tonight I stayed up too late watching The Worst Cook in America. Most cooking shows are about really great chefs who already know how to cook. It was fun and refreshing to see people who know nothing about cooking become really great chefs. Plus I learned a lot of neat techniques and such that I didn't know before. It was shows like this that helped spark a love of cooking in me. I want to write more about that but, like I said, I stayed up too late tonight. So I'll save that post for another day. Until then, friends!

Spanglish

In elementary school, I had some bilingual friends who spoke Spanish. And I was so jealous of them! It was like they could talk with each other in a secret code, and I thought it was so cool. I felt left out, for sure, since I didn't know what they were saying, but I secretly admired them.

Those experiences along with my brother learning to speak Spanish when he went on his two-year LDS mission to Argentina ignited a desire in me to learn it myself. So when I reached high school, Spanish is what I took for my foreign language credits. Plus, there are a lot of Spanish-speaking people in my area, and I thought that it might actually come in handy someday. I mean, when am I ever going to run into a unilingual German in Southern Idaho? Seriously.

So I took two years of Spanish in high school and then another 11 credits in college. And it was hard! I often wondered what the heck I was wasting my time for and considered changing my B.A. to a B.S. so that I didn't need those Spanish credits. I mean, I couldn't speak it, I couldn't read it, and I could barely understand what others said to me, and what I did understand was mostly derived from their hand gestures and facial expressions. Worse yet, when I did try to speak it to some native speakers, they looked at me like I was stupid or their preschool-aged children laughed at me. Money-well spent, let me tell ya.

But now, going on a decade since my last Spanish class, I am amazed at how much I still remember. And now that I'm working at a place where I often come into contact with Spanish-speakers again, it actually has come in handy. One gal the other day had a hard time remembering "salad", and when I said it in Spanish, ensalada, she felt comfortable enough to ask how to pronounce it correctly in English. Then we finished the rest of our exchange in Spanish. We didn't say much, mind you, but it was pretty cool for both of us to be understood.

Then I had a gentleman come up to the hot case, point at something, and say, "Papas?"

"Sí," I replied, knowing that he was talking about the potato wedges (here's a tip for anyone who shops at a deli--when you point to something in the case, we have no idea what you're pointing at. The case is designed to give both of us a good view of the food, but I can't see you any better than you can see me. So maybe saying, "The dark brown chicken chunks," or "The third dish back," or something like that would be more helpful).

Then he held up one finger and said, "Un dollar," meaning, he wanted $1.00's worth of potato wedges. Cool. I was pretty proud of myself for reverting to Spanish so naturally. Didn't even have to think about it.

He then asked if I spoke Spanish, I said, "Un poquito," and he told me that he speaks only Spanish. I wanted to say that that must be difficult for him (in a sympathetic way, not an accusatory way), but I couldn't remember how to say "difficult" (difícil. I couldn't help myself from looking it up), so I didn't get to tell him that. But at least I knew what his papas were.

One thing I've noticed since the last time I worked in a deli back before I was married, is that the Spanish-speaking people seem to know English much better than they did then. They used to just communicate through gestures or have their kids translate for them, but I've met a lot of people who are striving to speak for themselves in English. Even though I do know a little bit of Spanish, I try to hold back from speaking to them in it because I think it's so cool of them to put in the effort to learn this country's official language. Even when I know that they don't quite understand what I'm saying, I just speak in English. If I'm not sure what they're saying and I need to clarify, then I will. Or like when that guy spoke to me in Spanish, then I will. With the gal, I just really like the word ensalada and wanted to say it, so I did. I am glad that I did, though, because I really do think that I made her feel more comfortable. I know how potentially embarrassing it is to try to say something and you're not quite sure how to pronounce it and you don't want to look or feel stupid in the attempt. It's humbling, learning a new language. So I feel for them. But I'm proud of the many who are trying, and I want to give them the opportunity to practice and not show-off with my own lame bilingual skills.

Even though learning Spanish was really difícil and I felt like I wasn't learning much at the time, I actually did learn quite a bit. Enough to be able to speak in the "secret code" anyway, and that's pretty fun. Turns out it was worth it after all.

So Tired

I am soooo tired. Hmm. Sleep is good.

And I think Grayson is getting his second tooth.

And for some unbeknownst reason, people really like deep-fat-fried gizzards. I get requests for them at work. Bleh.

Good night.

Grayson's First Tooth

Grayson officially has his first tooth. And getting it was a doozy, let me tell ya. I don't really remember Trey or Ally fussing much when their teeth came in. That's either because I just don't remember, or they didn't fuss, or I didn't realize what was happening to cause their fusiness. But with Grayson, I knew the exact moment that little sucker popped through.

Trey got his first tooth at five months old. I think Ally got hers at about the same time (I'm sure I wrote it down in her baby book, but I'm too lazy to go look it up. Plus if Ally sees me with it, we'll have to look through all of her baby stuff again, and I don't really feel like doing that tonight). Back when Grayson was two months old, I could see the tops of his bottom teeth through the gums, and he was drooling like crazy, so I thought he would be the record-holder on that, too (biggest baby, most hair, earliest tooth. Kid's winning trophies left and right and he can't even walk yet!). But five months came and went and no tooth. After seven months, I began to get a little concerned, so I turned to my good pal, Google, and he said that it can take up to a year for babies to get their teeth (have you met my friend, Google? He knows everything!). So I relaxed on that.

And then, Sunday the 11th, he was NOT happy. He can get pretty cranky sometimes, but this time was different. I could tell right away that he was in pain. He kept throwing his head back and arching his back as he let out shriek after shriek. Poor guy! I kept putting my finger on his gums to help relieve the pain. No tooth, no tooth, no tooth. And then, suddenly, there was a tooth! It happened that fast. No wonder he was hurting so much.

And now he has his first little pearly white. I didn't even get to see it for a couple of days because he was constantly playing with it with his tongue. And I've yet to get a picture of it (sorry!), but it's definitely there.

Another milestone met. Even though it came later than his siblings', this little boy's still growing up way too fast!

Almost Forgot

All right, y'all, it's been three weeks since I began this writing challenge, and so far, I have written every single day! Ha! It may not look like I've written every day because I posted after midnight some days, but I assure you, I have. And I was just lying here in bed when I realized I almost forgot to post tonight! Ahh! I'm so close to my goal and I came so close to coming up short! So I thought I would quickly share my Ponderizing scripture for this week--

Doctrine and Covenants 25:14 "Continue in the spirit of meekness, and beware of pride. Let thy soul delight in thy husband, and the glory which shall come upon him."

Today in Relief Society, we had a great lesson on pride, the "most misunderstood sin" (Ezra Taft Benson). I think I have unwittingly had a major problem with pride lately, and this scripture really spoke to me. Hopefully concentrating on it this week will help me humble myself and change my attitude about a few things.

Crucial Coversations

I'm currently reading a book called Crucial Conversations. It's very interesting and teaches people how to have risky conversations without offending others or just avoiding touchy subjects. Like emotional subjects with family members or dealing with difficult people at work. I'm hoping it will help me with my communication skills. I could use all the help I can get in that department!

More Bedtime Stories

Bedtime went much more smoothly tonight. First off, Trey and Ally were separated. I took Ally and Grayson grocery shopping, and Brian and Trey were already asleep when we got back. So that made it easier for me--I had only one kid to deal with, and they didn't have each other to feed off of.

Then Ally and I had our bedtime routine. Trey and I have had a routine since he was a baby--we read stories, sing songs, say a prayer, then go to bed. When Ally came along, we included her in it. But I've recently realized that she doesn't really like being read to. She would rather look through the pages and tell the story herself. So having this as her bedtime routine doesn't really work for her.

I asked her the other day what she liked about bedtime. Her response was singing songs, and she really liked listening to Jewel the other night. So now we lie down on her bed together and listen to lullabies. She likes that much better than mine and Trey's way.

After we did that tonight, she was in her room for about a half hour and I thought she was asleep, but then she came out to go potty and grab some toys. I know she shouldn't be allowed to have toys at bedtime, but I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place: do I get her riled up and possibly wake Brian and Trey with her screaming when I tell her she can't have toys, or do I let her take them and hope she quickly and quietly wears herself out and falls asleep?

Tonight I chose the latter, and the end result was pretty good: she did fall asleep after she played quietly by herself for a while. But bedtime from start to sleep took 1 1/2 hours which isn't too good. Ideally it should be half an hour. But it was much better than the four or five hours it took to get them to sleep last night. Yay for progress!

We'll hopefully be able to keep them separated again tomorrow night and see if it goes even better.

Living to Fight Another Night

Kids fought us going to bed again tonight. Big time. Good news is this situation will probably make a really good post one day. If we ever figure this whole bedtime thing out. Hopefully before they turn 18. Pray for us.

Staying Active

When I was a teenager, staying active was really easy. Between dance, softball, marching band, and P.E., there wasn't a lot of time to not be active. But since getting married and especially since having kids, it's been much harder to find an exercise routine that sticks (I'm sure many of you can relate). But here are a couple of simple things that I've been able to do with some semblance of consistency, that I really enjoy doing, and that has helped me slim down a bit since having my third baby last winter.

The first is walking. I love being out in the sunshine and fresh air. I find it really rejuvenating. It's also low-impact and not too stressful on my body, it's free, and, best of all, I can include my kids. They love going on walks to the park, the library, or the store to pick up a juice and bubble gum. This exercise is the one I have been most consistent with since getting married...actually, since before I got married. Brian and I have always enjoyed going on walks together. In Rexburg, we used to walk around Porter Park. In Henserson, Nevada, Dickinson, North Dakota, and in Twin Falls, we used to love taking our dog, Indy, for walks to the park or along the Canyon Rim Trail. And now we get to enjoy it with our little ones, too. Walkimg is definitely one of my favorite exercises.

Another one I really love is yoga. Although I've never participated in a weekly class at a rec center or gym, I have had some random classes over the years and used to do it on my Wii Fit. Now I've found a video on Youtube that I really enjoy. It's with Denise Austen, and it's called "Yoga Buns". Since I've started doing it, I feel stronger in my body and mind. I feel like it strengthens everything, not just my booty, including my arms, back, and abs. And having 30 minutes to better myself has done wonders for my mood. Even though it isn't a cardio routine, I do get quite sweaty and out of breath. That just shows how hard I'm working even though I pretty much stay in the same place! Achieving something that challenges me is really great, and I feel like I have more mental clarity after a workout. It just truly is great all around.

18 months after having Ally, I was down to 39 inches in my waist. While pregnant with Grayson, I got up to 55 inches. I made a goal to reach 40 inches before his first birthday. I'm so pleased to report that 8 months after his birth, I have reached that goal! Just one more inch and I'll be where I was before I got pregnant with him. Now that's my new goal to reach before he turns one. If I keep walking and doing yoga a few times a week, I'm sure I'll reach it.

What do you do to stay active?

Wanna Hear a Joke?

How many men does it take to change a lightbulb?

I don't know, Trisha, how many?

None. They just sit in the dark and complain!

An oldie but goodie. 😄

Good night, y'all!

Eating Healthier Part 1: Eat More Real Food

Almost two years ago, I watched a documentary on Netflix called Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. It follows an Australian man in his journey, like so many others, to lose weight and get healthy. His method--juicing. I watched as he and others lost hundreds of pounds, reduced migraines, got off of high blood pressure medicine and steroids for an autoimmune disease, and simply felt great. One middle-aged lady said she felt like she was 21 again, and her husband noticed a big difference in her mood and demeanor. Even though I was a relatively healthy person at the time--only 20 pounds overweight after having two babies and not really suffering from anything but fatigue--I longed to join them. I longed to feel the energy they spoke of and just enjoy being in my body again. I wanted to be strong, healthy, and most importantly, happy.

It was truly a life-changing movie for me.

I became kind of obsessed with other documentaries like it. I watched what felt like everything Netflix had to offer on the subject of healthy eating and living. I watched my favorites two or three times, and my husband even joined me for a couple of them. I ingested all that I could and then strove to find a plan for healthy eating that would fit for me and my family.

I'm writing this post because since I began to make some changes in my diet, I've seen others commenting that healthy living is just too difficult, so they give up. They try to give up all processed foods or go completely vegan or whatever it is they feel they need to do for the health of their family, but after a few weeks or months of going all in, they realize it's too difficult and give it all up completely. For them, it's all or nothing.

I'm here to say that it's not all or nothing. We can all make a few changes to our diet that will have positive impacts on our health, and that we will be able to manage over a long period of time without feeling overwhelmed or burned-out which often come from making too-drastic changes all at once.

After watching all of those documentaries, I took the time to process all of that new information and then prioritized it and chose just a couple of things that I could implement into my family's life. After a few months of living with those new changes, I added another one. And then another a couple of months after that. As I look back on the past 21 months from when I started making those changes, I can see that our diet looks a lot different now than it did then. And it was something I worked on gradually, a little bit at a time, and I will continue to work on improving it and implementing new changes that I learned and will learn in the future.

I will also say that I have seen a huge difference in my energy level, mood, and overall satisfaction with my body and myself. Things still aren't perfect, mind you--I am a work in progress--but no joke and no exaggeration, last fall I noticed that I had more energy than I've had since before I started college. I was able to wake up easier, I no longer needed an afternoon nap every day, and I was much more productive than I'd been since having my second baby. Like I said, I noticed these changes last fall, while I was pregnant with my third baby and had two preschoolers to chase after all day. Seriously, more energy in that condition and environment. Unbelievable! But so true.

This is the first of a series of posts I'll write explaining these changes I made, and my goal is to share with you how my diet looked before the changes, what I learned from the documentaries, and the changes I made as a result of that knowledge. I also want to share what changes I didn't make and why because, like I said, it's been a gradual process for me and certainly not all or nothing. I will try my best to reference the documentaries I watched (there really were a lot of them) and include a list of them at the end so that you can look them up if you would like to learn more or double-check the authenticity of their claims. I hope that you will learn something new and begin to think about what small changes you can make to help yourself, your family, and the environment be healthier and happier.

Change #1--Eat Less Processed Foods and More Real Food

Our Diet Before:

• Breakfast
• Cold cereal
• Pancakes from a box (just add water)
• Pancake syrup
• Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
• Lunch
• Sandwiches with wheat bread
• Mac 'n' Cheese
• Ramen noodles
• Hot Pockets
• Snacks
• Chips
• Crackers
• Cookies
• Fresh and canned fruit
• Dinner
• Frozen foods like pizza, lasagna, and other ready-to-eat convenience foods
• Casseroles with Cream of Something soups
• White pasta
• White rice
• Fresh, frozen, but mostly canned veggies
• Drinks
• Fruit juice 
• Crystal Light
• Kool-Aid
• Milk
• Water

Basically, our dry pantry and freezer were always full and our fridge had relatively few things in it.

What I Learned:

"The problem is we are not eating food anymore. We are eating food-like products. And they are adorned. They are made to look better and smell better and be presented so that people are attracted to them...So the objective is not really to give you a healthy product. It is to give you a product that will make you buy it, that will last long, and will make a lot of money for the company that's producing it." ~Dr. Alejandro Junger (1)

As a freshman in college, out in the world for the very first time, and also in charge of my own shopping and cooking for the first time, I was introduced to the wonderful world of Pasta Roni. What a heck of a deal! I remember thinking, literally, Why would I spend money in the produce aisle when I can get the benefits of broccoli right here in my Broccoli and Cheese Pasta Roni? Seriously, I had that thought. All I needed to do was add a chicken breast to it, and I had a full meal! You know how much that little meal-in-a-box cost me? $1.00. I could get ten for a dollar each with Albertson's 10 for $10 deal. So I practically lived off of those things. It really would've been a waste of money to buy real broccoli for $2.00/lb, so I was making a smart move, right?

Oh. Ooh, silly, naive little freshman girl. How wrong you were.


Since then, I have learned that there are two kinds of nutrients that our bodies need: micronutrients and macronutrients. In order for our cells, or the building blocks of everything our bodies are, to be strong and healthy, we need micronutrients. And the only way we can get micronutrients is to eat fruits and vegetables. Everything else is macronutrients. (2) So fruits and vegetables need to be not just a part of our daily diet. Not even a big part. They need to be a prominent  or major or leading-role part of our everyday diet.

I guess since veggies have always been served as a side dish in our culture, I translated that to mean that they were optional. A good idea, but not necessary. If you want to stay full and be strong and healthy, you needed lots of meat, dairy, and carbs. As long as you have those, you'll be fine. It's crazy how being told one thing your whole life can end up being just the opposite of what you really need. If you want to be healthy on a cellular level, you have to have vegetables and fruits. And a lot of them.

Canned and dehydrated fruits and vegetables do have nutritional value, but they lose it over time. Frozen ones keep their nutritional value but lose some once they're cooked. The most nutritious food you can eat are raw fruits and veggies. So, freshman girl, to answer your question, no, little specks of supposedly dehydrated broccoli are not a suitable substitution for the real thing. I would've been better off scrapping the Pasta Roni all together and just going with a head of broccoli.

And you know what else I learned about those "dehydrated " specks of fruits and veggies found in processed food? I haven't researched the broccoli specifically, but I do know that those "blueberries" found in pancake mix are nothing more than a bunch of chemicals, the same chemical that's used to winterize vehicles. (1) I would be surprised if the "broccoli" wasn't made from something similar. Yummy, and oh so nutritious, wouldn't you agree?

Speaking of chemicals, I also learned a lot about the different chemicals used in processed food. I feel like I could write a blog post entirely devoted to this subject, but I'll keep it simple for you: there are a few chemicals that were mentioned in these documentaries that have stuck with me and that are in a lot of products you wouldn't necessarily think they would be in. I try really hard to avoid them. They are:

• High fructose corn syrup
• Hydrogenated oils
• Aspartame
• Monosodium Glutamate (MSG)
• Isolates

These chemicals are literally addictive which makes you come back to these products again and again even if you know they aren't good for you, and MSG in particular makes you fat. Seriously, they give lab rats MSG to fatten them up before they begin an experiment comparing thin rats with fat rats. It's not part of the experiment but a preparatory step taken for it. And yes, food processors know it makes people fat, and they still add it to their foods. Because it's addictive, and they want you to buy their product not just once, but again and again and again. (1) How easy it is to sell someone something when they feel like they can't live without it.

Foods that contain these ingredients include:

• Pizza and pasta sauces (high fructose corn syrup or HFCS)
• Peanut butter (hydrogenated oils)
• Jams and jellies (HFCS)
• Breads (HFCS)
• Pancake syrup (which interestingly enough contain no maple so really can't be called "maple syrup") (HFCS)
• Diet soda (Aspartame)
• Crystal Light (Aspartame)
• Cream of anything soup (MSG)
• Granola bars claiming to be high in protein (soy isolates) 
• Ketchup, BBQ sauce, and salad dressings (HFCS)
• Popsicles (HFCS)

 Changes I Have Made:

The first change I made was to replace items I already ate with healthier alternatives. This may sound difficult, but I assure you, it's not. I simply began reading ingredient labels and found products that #1-Didn't have any of the above-mentioned chemicals. #2-Had a list of ingredients that I could pronounce (no weirdo scientific names that I have no idea what they are). And #3-Fit within my budget. Lucky for me, a lot of companies have jumped on the bandwagon and are offering "All Natural" varieties of their much-loved products. Hunt's, for example, has an 100% natural ketchup that I think tastes better than the regular stuff and is comparable in price. I found a new pasta sauce that is all natural and less expensive than Prego or Ragu. And Adam's peanut butter has an ingredient list of two things: peanuts and salt (they also have a saltless variety, but I think it's kinda gross. Some things are just meant to be salted).

 I also began to add more fruits and veggies to our diet. I bought less canned ones, more frozen ones, and a lot more fresh ones. Our fridge is now loaded with fresh fruits and veggies after every shopping trip, and we try to eat them with every meal and for snacks as well. And this may be surprising for some, but my kids love them! They enjoy helping me load up produce bags while at the store, and I often catch them sneaking, not just fruit, but carrots, tomatoes, mini sweet peppers, and lemons and limes out of the fridge (that's right, I said lemons and limes). We had sliced cucumbers with our sandwiches for lunch one day, and Trey liked them so much, he asked for more while on our next shopping trip. So kids will eat them and even like them if you provide them for them, is what I'm saying.

Our Diet After:

• Breakfast
• Cold cereal
• Whole wheat pancakes from scratch
• Pancake syrup without HFCS (I don't buy real maple syrup because it's pretty expensive and I feel that eliminating the HFCS is good enough for us right now)
• Spiced Carrot Muffins
• Baked Oatmeal
• Cream of Wheat
• Natural peanut butter and honey sandwiches
• Lots of fresh and frozen fruit (I don't buy organic at this point, again, because of the price. I'm waiting for it to become the more popular option and thus the less expensive option. Or the only option, whichever comes first. The way things are going, that's bound to happen sooner or later, right?)
• Lunch
•  Sandwiches with homemade wheat bread (I got a bread maker from my in-laws for Christmas one year. I love using it to save money 'cause we eat a lot of bread)
• Bean and cheese burritos (I still use flour tortillas because I don't like the taste of whole wheat ones and I really don't like the corn ones, so this is one thing I haven't changed at this point)
• Wraps or pitas
• Salads
• Mac 'n' Cheese (although my 4-year-old said a couple of weeks ago that he was sick of Mac 'n' Cheese *Shocker!* so I haven't bought a lot of them lately)
• Ramen noodles (sometimes, you just need quick and simple, even if it isn't the best option)

• Snacks
• Fresh fruit
• Veggies with salad dressing without HFCS, hummus, or guacamole
• Crackers (I recently realized that Ritz, one of my all-time favorite crackers, contains HFCS. [Noooo!] We still eat it, but I try to buy it less often).

•  Dinner
• Casseroles with a homemade white sauce
• Whole wheat pasta
• Pasta sauce without HFCS
• Brown rice
• Lots of fresh veggies, sometimes frozen, rarely canned 
• Drinks
• Water
• Milk
• Produce that we juice ourselves
• Fruit juice

Goals You Could Set:

•  Buy fresh or frozen fruit and veggies instead of canned. Canned have added sugar or salt and lose nutrients over time. Frozen have the same amount of nutrients as fresh.
• Try to have at least one fruit or veggie with every meal and snack. As time goes by, you could up that goal to two or more to make sure you're getting lots of those micro-nutrients. I never feel satisfied without a fruit or veggie at every meal, and sometimes even have veggies for breakfast!
• Switch from white breads, pasta, or rice to whole wheat or brown. This is a simple substitution to make to meals you're already eating, and it's amazing how quickly your taste buds will adjust to the new flavors. I really don't even like anything white anymore (except tortillas)! And I don't feel like they have as much substance as wheat products, so I don't feel as full after eating them.
• Read labels and find foods made with all natural ingredients. As I said before, many companies have already made the switch and offer these healthier alternatives (for example, Log Cabin pancake syurp and Wishbone salad dressings are made without HFCS). Again, it's an easy substitution for foods that you already eat. Reading labels may be tedious at first, but soon you'll know which brands to buy and which to avoid, and you won't even need to think twice about it.
• Start adding new, healthier recipes to your menu plan each week. For me, learning to cook without condensed cream soups was a bit of a challenge because almost every casserole I made had one in it! But I found a website that has casserole recipes that are similar to the ones I made but had a homemade white sauce instead of a soup. And you know what? They taste 100% better than those recipes! Take that, MSG! If you can just gradually find new recipes that you and your family enjoy to replace those old ones, then over time, you'll weed out those fatty dishes and have only the healthier ones in your monthly rotation.
• Join a co-op in your area, like Bountiful Baskets, in order to buy more produce while spending less. We have enjoyed filling our fridge with fruits and veggies we've never tried before along with our favorites at a fraction of the cost. 
• Try juicing! It's a quick and easy way to add more vegetables to your diet, and it's tasty too! Seriously, I think you'd be surprised by how sweet fruits are on their own and vegetables as well, no sugar necessary. I do like to add an apple or pear to my vegetable juices to sweeten them up even more, so I end up "eating" an apple, a few carrots, a bunch of spinach, kale, and cilantro, and half a lime in just a few minutes and soaking up all of those vitamins and minerals really quickly. It's a much better energy boost than an energy drink, minus the crash, and it's actually nurturing your body. Win-win-win! 

Have you noticed the little logo found on produce bags nowadays? It says, "More Matters." And I believe that's true. The more good stuff you add to your diet, the less you'll have the not-so-good. The more fruit you snack on, the less potato chips you snack on. The more water you drink, the less pop you'll drink. It just takes baby steps, and before you know it, instead of those fake, chemical-ridden, brain-altering foods, you'll be craving what our Creator always meant for us to eat--fresh, delicious, and nutritious real food.

Find out what other changes I made in Part 2 of this series, coming soon!

References--

1) Hungry for Change

2) Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead

For Further Study--

Foodmatters

The Gerson Miracle

The Engine 2 Diet

Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead 2

Vegucated

GMO OMG

Ted Talks

Killer at Large

Forks Over Knives

Thank You to Those Who Helped Me at Winco (You Know Who You Are)

Let me preface this post by saying that people are awesome! If you don't know that yet, then you either need to change your perspective or meet some new people. Because they truly are.

Winco is my grocery store of choice. I love the low prices which allow me to buy at least twice as many groceries than I would at other stores, they have a great selection, a bulk section, and the majority of groceries aren't bulk like Costco which may be a better value but requires more money up-front. And it's not Walmart. Anything is better than Walmart.

One of the things you trade for such good prices is good customer service. You have to bag your own groceries and take them to your car and asking any employee for help finding something is almost like pulling teeth.

But the help I've received from my fellow customers is worth more to me than all of that.

The first act of service I received happened a couple of years ago. Money has always been tight and my food budget pretty short. When I make my shopping list, I try really hard to estimate it within that budget. But sometimes, it just adds up too quickly. This was one of those times. But it was only like $6.00 over, not a big deal. I put back a couple of snack items that weren't necessary (hummus and pita chips that I had wanted to try). Then the lady behind me said that she would get it. I politely declined, of course, but she insisted. I was so thankful to her! What a thoughtful and selfless thing to do for a complete stranger! I gave her my heartfelt thanks and went on my way (and we all snarfed down that hummus, by the way. Even Brian! So good).

My second act of service came in a different form. Grayson was only a couple of months old, and he was not happy that particular shopping trip. He had had enough of that carseat! As I was walking down the aisle with a screaming baby I was trying to comfort, a preschooler I was trying to keep nearby, and a cartload of groceries almost too heavy to push (I usually shop for two weeks' worth of groceries at a time in order to avoid going to the store as often, so I get a lot of groceries), I was stopped by a really nice lady who wanted to coo at Grayson. She was really sweet and just loved him up! When I told her his name, she was almost moved to tears because that was her nephew's name. It was a really sweet moment, and she helped calm him down. Then we said good-bye and I finished gathering my items.

Then at the checkout, she surprised me again. Since I pile up the cart with so many groceries, it's a little difficult getting them all to fit back in when they're all bagged up. I really have to pile it up then. She must've noticed from her checkout lane because she sent her son to get another cart and they helped me load up the rest of my bags and take them to my car! Oh my gosh! I couldn't believe the thoughtfulness! She just really made my day!

And then a similar thing happened again!

I think it was the very next shopping trip that another lady and her son also grabbed an extra cart and helped me load and carry out my purchases. She also helped me with another grumpy Grayson by rocking him in his carseat until he fell asleep while I loaded my groceries onto the belt.

Wow. I mean, really, wow! It amazes me how people have the energy to even notice a struggling mother with young kids and then take the time to lend her a hand. I usually have my blinders on with my head down and focused on getting everything on my list and out of there as fast as I can before my kids do something to get us kicked out. But these women and their kindness just astounds me.

But wait, it gets better.

Just a couple of months ago, I made a rare trip to Winco in-between my regular trips. I had an even smaller budget to keep to and I thought I only needed a few things. My grocery list looked really short, anyway. But, man, do they add up fast! I looked in my cart while waiting to checkout and thought, This has got to be more than I have to spend. So in preparation of that, I loaded my groceries onto the belt in order of importance from most to least, so if I went over, I could just have the cashier stop and I wouldn't have to search through everything and decide what to put back and what to keep.

Well, it was worse than I thought it would be. There wasn't just a few things that went over but probably at least $30 worth. I felt bad that the cashier had so much to take back (remember their lack of service in this area), but I had to do what I had to do. So I apologized, paid for my groceries, and started bagging them up.

After a while, I noticed that the things I had asked her to put back were on my belt. The lady behind me had paid for all of them! I just couldn't believe it. She did not have to do that, and I told her that. We would've been just fine without those things. But I looked up at her, and she had tears in her eyes, and she gestured at Trey and Grayson as if to say, It's for them. I just want to help you take care of your babies. 

All of these women are so amazing to me, and I believe they were sent to me by our Heavely Father. In times when I felt invisible, exhausted, and overwhelmed, they saw me. It's not so much the money or the acts themselves as it was just that they noticed me and then did something about it. It was like Heavenly Father was saying, I see you, and I love you. You are important to me, and I'm going to see you through this hard time. You and your family are going to be just fine.

It's my prayer that I can repay these kind women by paying it forward to others. By pulling my head up, noticing my surroundings, and doing what I can to help ease the burdens of those around me, and maybe even help a young mother pay for her groceries someday, and be the person who essentially says, Your Heavenly Father sees you, He loves you, and you and your family are going to be okay.

Cooking Up a Storm

Well, as bad as bedtime was last night, that's how perfect it was tonight. Trey went to bed with Brian and fell right asleep, and Ally, Grayson, and I all fell asleep on the couch watching a movie. I had about an hour nap, put Ally in her bed, and then had all the time and energy in the world to finish up some chores, watch a movie on Netflix that I'd never seen before (uninterrupted and without subtitles, mind you), and now I'm typing this. Pretty dang awesome!

So what to write about...well, since I've been in the kitchen pretty much all day for the last two days, I'll give you a taste of what I've been cooking up (pun totally intended!).

Yesterday, I mentioned that I had made four freezer meals. I am so in love with freezer meals! Best invention ever!! I made 20 freezer meals in anticipation of Grayson's birth last winter, so with that and the meals sent over by the ladies in the ward, I didn't have to cook pretty much his whole first month. I'd just grab a bag from the freezer, thaw it in the fridge overnight, throw it in the crockpot the next morning, and dinner was done! Nothing could be more simple. Such a life saver, and you better believe I spent each second saved from not having to cook cuddling with my sweet new baby. It was heaven!

But freezer meals are awesome any day of the week. Now that I'm working, they're super handy in making sure that my hubby and kids eat well even when I'm not home. I also like to use them on grocery shopping days 'cause I know I'm going to be exhausted by the time I'm done with that; days I plan on being gone in the evening, like out to the movies with my mom or on a date with Brian and my mom or mother-in-law is watching the kids and I don't want them to have to prepare something for them; or on days that I have a lot of projects around the house planned and  know I'm not going to feel up to cooking at the end of the day. They have saved me so much time and our family so much money because we don't resort to eating fast food or ordering take out. Plus, they're healthy with as few processed foods as possible and loaded with veggies. So what I'm saying is, "Freezer meals are awesome and every busy woman should totally look into it!"

Yesterday, I made Chicken Chili, Beef Roast with Peppercinis and Carrots, another Beef Roast and Carrots recipe, and Mexican Chili Cornbread Casserole. I just chopped the veggies and tossed them into gallon-sized freezer bags, added the spices and sauces, topped it with the meat, and done. I laid them flat in my freezer so they hardly take up any room at all. And I used up all my mini sweet peppers which were starting to look a little raunchy. Now I won't have to watch them spoil and go to waste. Bonus!

Another of my favorite freezer meals is Chicken Pot Pie. Best pot pie I've ever had! And I love that this recipe makes two pies, so tonight, I made one for dinner and froze the second. So now I have five meals in my freezer for busy nights in the future. Yeah, I'm feeling pretty accomplished right now.

Also, we had Bean and Cheese Burritos for lunch today, and I froze some extras for Brian's lunches that he can just grab from the freezer and go. And I made these Granola Bars which are oh so yummy and way healthier than Chewy bars you buy from the store. My kids are going to enjoy those in Sacrament Meeting tomorrow!

(As you can tell from clicking on the links above, most of them are from the same website, newleafwellness.biz. I just have to say that Kelly is my hero and really has changed my life! Almost everything I now cook on a regular basis has come from her. Her recipes are so healthy and yummy! And she taught me everything I need to know about freezer meals, so check out her site if you want more information.)

Oh, and yesterday I pureed a sweet potato and today I roasted and pureed a pumpkin for Grayson. Well, half of the pumpkin is for Grayson, the other half I will use to make pumpkin pancakes (my kids love them some pumpkin pancakes!) Yeah, you read that right--I'm making my own baby food this time 'round. I had WIC with Trey and Ally so I didn't worry about it and just used the jarred stuff, but I kinda hate them now and have decided that I may be poor but not poor enough to have to deal with their crap, so I'm saving us some money by making my own. And it's really not that big of a deal. I just buy extra fruit and veggies, cook it up, and throw it in my processor. Then I spoon it into my ice cube trays, freeze it overnight, then move the cubes to a freezer ziploc bag. Then I reheat them in the microwave when it's time to eat. Easy peasy. It probably takes me the same amount of time to do that as it does to shop for the specific WIC items, making absolutely sure that they are the right ones, line them up on the cashier's belt all separated and in the right order, run back to exchange something because, turns out, it wasn't an approved item, use four different checks to pay for them and then my debit card to pay for the rest of my groceries, plus the time it takes to drive to the appointments, have them weigh and measure my kids again (like we didn't just do that at the doctor's office), and then sit through the breastfeeding video one more time (because, having breastfed babies for 2 1/2 years hasn't made me an expert by now). Yeeaahh...the WIC part sounded way more complicated than the whole pureeing up some produce part. I think I'll stick with that. And there's no way I'm spending the same amount of money on a single jar of baby food that I could spend on a single vegetable that'll fill up a whole ice cube tray with baby food. Forget about it!

Whew! Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant there. I guess I needed to get that off my chest. So anyway...

Yep, that's what I've been up to the last couple of days. Can I just say that I'm pretty proud of myself? Seeing it written down makes it look like a lot of work! I just wish I was as good at the clean-up part as I am at the cooking part. And that I had a dishwasher. Oh, how I miss having a properly working dishwasher!

But that's a rant for another day...

Being Sick and Tired

Hmm...I'm tired. I'm sitting here trying to think of something to write, but nothing really tickles my fancy...

I had a pretty good day today. I made four freezer meals, did 2 loads of laundry, cleaned up my kitchen a bit, and made a mini shopping trip to the grocery store to take advantage of their $10 Fill-it-Up produce bag. We had spaghetti for dinner. I visited with Brian.

But...Trey had a four hour nap starting at about 5:00 this afternoon. So despite putting them both to bed 2 or 3 hours ago, they are currently fighting over who gets to fly on the broom to Winco. And Ally is squealing like a pig. And Brian will be up any second to yell at them and throw me nasty looks. And now Grayson's awake. Awesome. I think I'm going to go to bed now.

I'm so sick of power struggles, especially at bedtime. I'm so sick of giving in to desperation and letting the TV put them to sleep. I'm really sick of Ally screeching about every little thing and getting her way. Yeah...I'm just pretty sick.

Good night, all. Here's to a better night tomorrow.