Making Tents

Okay friends, the time has come. I finally have the time to share my General Conference story that I've been getting you all excited about. So here it is--

On Sunday afternoon during the final session, my kiddoes decided they wanted to build a tent. You know, the sheet draped over the backs of chairs indoor tent. Usually I do this for them, and then they grab some books and have a good ol' time reading in it.

But you know, they're now four and three years old, and they've seen me make sheet tents quite a few times now, and I think it's time for them to figure out how to make their own. Plus, quite frankly, I was trying to listen to the talks being given and to gain some spiritual inspiration, and I didn't want to be bothered with it, dang it!

So I told them that I knew that they could do it themselves, and that I wanted them to at least try first. If they gave it a good effort and still needed help, then I would help them.

Ally and Trey went and got the sheets and pulled the kitchen chairs out into the living room. With just a couple of suggestions from me while sitting on the sidelines, they had their tent up in no time! And they got a whole pile of books and enjoyed their tent...for a little while. But you know how kids are and how long those silly sheet tents last. About two minutes.

I was really into the talks and wasn't paying a lot of attention to what the kids were doing, but I did notice they were really struggling to put the sheet back up again. Once it fell down, they couldn't get it back up. And they did ask for a little help a couple of times, and again, I made some suggestions, but they just couldn't make it work.

The next time I looked up, they were sitting in the middle of the chairs, reading their books, and the sheet was wrapped around their bodies like a blanket. I guess they gave up on the whole tent idea.

My heart went out to them then. Their little "tent" looked so sad, and what they wanted was so simple. But they tried their hardest and just couldn't figure it out, even with a few hints from me. They needed me to take a bigger role in their project and get more hands-on and physically help them because I have made several sheet tents throughout my life and know how to do it and make it stay. I started to pull myself up off the couch, but then I stopped and really looked at them.

And I saw that they were happy. They weren't freaking out and crying about their failed tent. They weren't pulling on my arm and begging me to fix it. I had asked them to figure it out, and they did to the best of their abilities. I then had the thought, If they wanted my help, they would ask for it.

And that is when revelation hit me. This week's "ponderizing" scripture came to mind: "Ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you," (Doctrine and Covenants 4:7). And a light bulb went off in my head, and I thought, That is how Heavenly Father feels when you don't ask for help but He wants to give it to you.

Wow. What an amazing glimpse into our Father's mind. I now understand that scripture on a much higher level than I ever have before. He is sitting there watching me settle for mediocrity. Whether it's with how I'm raising my kids, my relationship with my husband, finances, my work ethic at my job or in my home...whatever it may be, I often sit there with my sheet of mediocrity wrapped around my shoulders and decide to just be happy with it. To just accept it. All the while He is watching me thinking, I know what she's going through, and I know how to help her get to where she truly wants to be. But you know, she's satisfied, so who am I to butt in and tell her her life's not good enough? If she wanted my help, she would ask for it.

Often times I feel like I'm seeking His help and guidance. I go to church. I listen to and read conference talks. Occassionally I read the scriptures. I pray with my kids. And I get little snippets of inspiration from Him, little hints and suggestions. But I don't think I really take them to heart and implement them in my life. I don't take the time to truly understand what He's saying to me. And I definitely don't get on my knees, pour my heart out to Him with all of my worries and anxieties and sincerely ask Him to help me. I don't ask Him to come into my life and get more hand-on with what I'm going through. I don't ask Him to guide me in every little thing I struggle with. I don't ask Him to show me how to be a better mother, wife, budgeter, more organized, more patient, more loving, kinder, gentler...all those specific things in which I feel I'm lacking.

This is the hardest and most important time of my life, raising my little ones, and I'm trying to do it alone. I used to put more effort into finding out His will on who I should date than I do now in trying to teach my precious babies how to be kind to one another or to know the Savior and learn to love him at this young age. Why? Why do I leave Him out of this work that I prepared my whole young life for and that will have the biggest effect on the future for not just myself but for my whole family? Why do I do this?

I'm not sure what the answer to that question is, but it's not really important. What is important is that I change. And that I start today by getting on my knees and asking my Father in Heaven how to teach my children love and respect for themselves and for others. To ask how I can become a better communicator with that man in the next room that I love so much. How to balance all of the demands of my time including making time for myself and for Him. Because He has been where I am. He knows what I'm going through. And He knows how I can make my life better. I don't have to settle for mediocrity.  All I have to do to gain answers to my questions is to simply ask. And He will help me. Just like I would have helped my kids had they asked me to get up and make the tent with them, so will He come into my life and overcome my trials with me.