Why Trey is Four Years Old and NOT in Preschool

I've been asked quite a few times over the last couple of years if Trey will be starting preschool soon. It's a valid question. Most parents nowadays do choose to put their kids in preschool at three or four years old, even when there's a stay-at-home parent in the household. But I feel that a big reason why they do this is because our society tells them to. All the propaganda we as parents are surrounded by day in and day out tell us that our kids have to do more, learn earlier, be smarter, and if we don't provide them with those opportunities,  then we are doing our kids an injustice. We are failing as parents. And none of us want to feel like we're failing at the most important job we were put on this earth to do

But you know what? Propaganda aside? I think preschool is completely unnecessary.

Now I know what you're thinking: Big whoop. Good for you. So you have an opinion about something. Who are you to write a blog post about it? What makes you a credible source when it comes my childrens' education?

So let me make this perfectly clear--I am no expert. I am not an educator. But I did study secondary education in college and I did learn a thing or two about childhood development. So I kinda know what I'm talking about, a little bit. More than others, anyway.

One thing I learned, probably the most important thing and definitely the thing that had the biggest impact on me, is the simple fact that kids need to be kids. They need to run and play, dig in the dirt, use their imaginations. They will learn far more from that at this age than they will from sitting and being drilled with information all day.

Case in point--This time last year, I bought Trey a preschool workbook because he loved to color and he showed an interest in numbers and letters. So I thought it would be fun for us to sit and work on it together throughout the year.

Well, he absolutely loved it! He begged me to work on it with him every day, and we would do it for literally hours at a time. I would get tired and ask him if we could take a break, and he would insist on doing it some more. I couldn't believe it! A big, fatty book from Costco that I thought would take us months to complete I think lasted a week, maybe two. So I bought him more and we did several books over the next couple of months.

But even after all that work, Trey still didn't know his alphabet. He still couldn't count to ten. He didn't learn those things until he needed to know them. He learned to count to five after he got a board game for his fourth birthday and needed to count the spaces. He also learned to recognize those written numbers from that game. This past summer, he rediscovered his foam letter puzzle that we gave him for Christmas one year, and I think holding a 3D version of the letters is what finally helped him realize that those letters can be put together to form words. He loves having me spell things out with them, and he can recognize most of them now and almost knows the whole alphabet song.

Another case in point--While I was trying to teach Trey from those workbooks, my then two-year-old Ally picked up on a few things as well. She could count to ten better than Trey could, minus 5. She always skipped 5, but she could count all the other numbers in order every time I asked her to. But when I asked her to actually count physical objects, she couldn't do it. She's still working on it actually. So even though it seemed like she was learning, what she was really doing was memorizing a little jingle.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that doing those activities with Trey was a bad thing or a waste of time or anything negative like that. He enjoyed them and definitely learned something from them and we had a fun time working on them together. But what I am saying is that to put them in a classroom where they are expected to learn those things by a certain time because that's what their peers can do, or worse, because that's what some politician said they should, that's what I think is unnecesarry. I think, at this age, they should learn what they want when they are ready to. And I'm not the only one who feels this way. The Finnish don't even start teaching their kids to read until they're six years old and are interested in it, and according to one of my college professors, the Finnish are the best readers in the world. So I think us Americans could take a leaf out of their book and not put so much pressure on our little ones, or ourselves, for that matter.

Now, I have a confession to make: even though I feel very strongly about this and am very firm in my beliefs, I too, have doubted. I've felt like a rebel, going against the grain just because my own pride is at stake. I've had to ask myself, am I keeping Trey out of preschool because that's what's best for him, or just because I don't want to go back on my word and do something I've said I wouldn't do?

I do feel like he's lacking socially. That's my only concern about his development. But I also know that the biggest obstacle kindergarten teachers face in teaching their students is dealing with those who are behind with their social skills. I don't want Trey to miss out on learning just because he hasn't learned how to sit still, follow directions, and keep his hands and feet to himself (although, after reading this article, I wonder if that isn't more the teacher's problem than the student's?).

So after talking with my hubby, I took him in to our public preschool and had him screened. It's government-funded which means no cost to me, but they only take students who need extra help with their development. And I am pleased and proud to say that he passed with flying colors. He was borderline with the Self Help section which included social skills, but he did great with everything else.

Which means, even without daycare or preschool or me drilling him every day with flashcards, he is right where he needs to be. And with a little more exposure to new social situations, he will be ready for kindergarten next year.

I'm not saying that nobody should put their kids in preschool. I'm not saying that this path is right for everyone. But I am saying that if you don't feel quite right about it, are having a hard time affording it, are feeling pressured into it, or just think it's plain unnecessary, you're not the only one. And if you choose to not put them in preschool, chances are, they'll still develop just fine. Heck, it might even be better for them. So don't feel guilty about it. You know what's best for your kids. Trust your instincts, and do what you feel is right. Even if you're going against the grain, it's all going to be all right.